terdShat
terd
Men
The hidden half of domestic violence
Tom's Story
"What did I do? What did I do wrong?" Tom's story is so much like many others. His ex has the same ideas as so many others that " things were not working out for her" I am not sure of all of the circumstances involved but I do know that we will get out of marriage what we put into it. 50/50 marriages will not work my friend. We each have to give 100% Men often get married hoping the woman they marry will never change. They DO! Women get married with plans of what they want to change in the man they marry...but they DON'T change. It is important to know our part in a marriage. Marriage, His Duties, Her Duties will show this. Tom, thank you for sending us your story.
So dumbstruck. So numb at first. And then the pain! Oh God, the pain! Tears. Anger. Wanting vengeance. Disbelief. What did I do? Over and over, what did I do?
And then you begin to see what you hoped was not there in
your sight, in your mind, in your memory. How does such a pretty 120 lb.
bundle wreck such havoc on a 220 lb. man? How does it happen?
What did I do?
And the answer not accepted. Never believed.
Always haunting the awake hours. So too those wretched hours we try to
sleep. And eat? We must? Impossible to do. The pounds
leave, more and more of them.
What did I do?
The answer that will never sink in, that will never be
enough?
Nothing!
She told me with no warning, no hint, that she wanted two
months with no contact. She said she has known for over a year that things were
not working out for her. She needed to sort things out. But she left her
things at my home. I am not prepared she said.
A month into our two months I called her to ask if I could
come and get my things there? She stated she was not prepared, was I sure
I needed them now?
And the sixty days were nearly ended and she contacted me.
I could name the time, but she named the place and the day to meet. She
chose a public place an hour away from both of us. And expected me to
accept this and for us to have our say with one another in front of other
people. She told me here that SHE HAS KNOWN SINCE DAY ONE! Things
were not working out for her.
Two and a half years into a relationship and she tells me
over a year, and then from day one. She walked away because I began to see
and mentioned to her I was hurting because of her treatment of me. One
week later and she walked.
This woman has no idea the pain and hurt she has caused.
No remorse, no understanding that it was not my doing, but hers. She must
still be in control. Always in control. Now with threats of being
arrested if I am near her, she IS still in control.
She said she chose the meeting place because she could leave
if I brought up something she did not want to talk about. And the very
next two things I started to question and she got up and left. Dear
God, why does it take so long to begin to see? Why do we continue to
bend when we do see?
People around me berate me. Family attack me.
Friends of hers are horrified, but shun me now. A therapist understands
and cares. A new chosen church is full of support and prayers. A
group on the web are more help than they will ever know. Bible study sites
are so welcome.
Tears! Will they ever end? Will the harm done by
her and my wife before her ever let me trust a woman again?
I don't know who I am now. I used to like the man I
once was. Will I be able to find him again? One
thing in her defense I must state. I slowly watched her mental condition
collapse and she not admitting it so no help is being sought. So I suffer
even a larger hurt and suffering. I cannot try and find out why? I
know she will only get worse before she can get better. I cannot help her.
God is helping. The pain is leaving, the tears not as
many nor as often. The prayers are working. So completely lost, so
desperately searching, so deep in disbelief.
What did I do? What did I do wrong?
And the one answer never accepted, but the only answer.
Nothing!
Tom
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month