Shat terd

I have so many questions that have been left unanswered. I know you grew up being abused by your father, and that you continued the cycle. There were times I hated you, or thought I did, times I wanted you dead, or thought I did. But deep down inside, the Lord has enabled me to forgive you, and I have desired for years to establish a loving father-daughter relationship. I have prayed for you for years to know God and obey His Word. There have been so many people damaged by things you have done, and even by some things you never did. Hugging you was like hugging a light pole--- no life in it. Have you been dead inside all these years? Your life has always been such a mystery to me. I would like to know my steps-sister, and if she is even alive today. I still pray one day to have some answers to so many questions. I have only a few good memories of you. You played the harmonica so well, and I loved to hear you whistle. Beyond that, I cannot think of any other good memories. I remember always walking on egg shell, in fear of you and your temper, your torturing us. Yet I wanted to love you, wanted you to love me. I always wanted a father-daughter relationship. Now I have one. Someone else has stepped in and taken your place. I can talk with my adopted dad, I can cry out to him, and I can ask for prayer. And he listens to what I say, and corrects me when I am wrong. He talks with my children, and my grandson. And I get to do the same for him. I can be there for him, just like I wanted to be there for you. I'm sorry you missed it all. I'm sorry you never knew God (that I know of), and that you never wanted to be a real father. I am sorry that you were so abused when you were growing up, but I cannot let the cycle continue. Because of you, all my brothers and sisters are living a hellish life here on earth. They live in constant pain of the memories and with the consequences of it have turned to drugs and alcohol to help them escape the pain of those memories. They in turn have passed it on to their children. My own children are struggling because of the pain of their father's abuse and neglect....because of his unwillingness to obey God. For some strange reason, I married an abusive husband, and now am divorced from him. My life has been so scared by all of this, but then I remember Jesus bore the stripes for us, for our healing. He, too, had scars. It didn't stop Him from loving us. Wish you could have known my Lord.

Debra