The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
ADJECTIVE: 1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position. 2a. Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others. b. Inclined to suspect rivalry. 3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts. 4. Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name. 5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.
ETYMOLOGY: Middle English jelous, from Old French gelos, jealous, zealous, from Vulgar Latin *zlsus, from Late Latin zlus, zeal. See zeal.
OTHER FORMS: jealous·ly —ADVERB
SYNONYMS: jealous, covetous, envious These adjectives mean resentfully or painfully desirous of another's advantages: jealous of a friend's success; covetous of my neighbor's possessions; envious of their art collection.
Jealousy and Pride go hand in hand. Both are so important as causes for evil that they are both addressed in the Ten Commandments.
Of course we know the first two commandments are: Thou shalt have no other gods before me. and Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. We will discuss this more later.
Commandments 7 through 10 all have some aspect of jealousy. Lets look to see that this is true.
#7 : Thou shalt not commit adultery. When we commit adultery, it is because we want something we should not have. Often homes are broken up because of this. We want our neighbors wife or husband. One has only to look through the many post in Shattered Men to see the numbers of men and women that are affected by this and Jealousy is at the root.
#8 : Thou shalt not steal. Needless to say, stealing results from wanting something someone else has. There are many reasons this could happen, including the possibility that we as Christians may even make it necessary for one to feel they need to steal to meet needs. If we do not help meet real needs, we do not follow God's Word in Matthew 25:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and
ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Now although this message is not about this, we must point out that we know it is not possible for any of us to meet everyone's needs, nor does the Lord expect it. When someone does not meet their own needs when they are able to, God does not expect us to do so. When one willfully does not work, or willfully spends money intended for needs on their wants, it is not our responsibility to meet their needs. Folks, this applies to US too...when we take what God has given us to get things we want instead of things we need, we should not expect God to re-supply our Needs. Ok so I went on a rabbit hunt here.
#9 "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour Although this does not appear to be based on our topic...Jealousy I contend that it is. One of the reasons we will lie about a neighbor is because we are jealous. We are angry with them based on some real or imaginary view that they did not treat us right,. We find this in domestic disputes often. In the poll question on our web site "What problem for men is most serious" 20% are stating "False Accusations of Abuse" This is more the direct physical abuse or a Biased Court System and both are real problems. This is bearing false witness. We do address this in more detail here:
It is such a serious problem that the Bible calls for the one bearing false witness to take the accused place:
18 And the judges shall make diligent inquisition: and, behold, if the witness be a false witness, and hath testified falsely against his brother;
19 Then shall ye do unto him, as he had thought to have done unto his brother: so shalt thou put the evil away from among you.
#10 Thou shalt not covet any thing that is thy neighbour's. This one should be self explanatory When we want something that belongs to another, that is pure Jealousy. .
Does this always mean possessions? Can we want something that is not
material? Things such as a good reputation? A relationship possibly
with someone we work with? a boss? a co-worker? A
co-laborer in the Lord? Let's go on in this study.
Why is Jealousy so dangerous?
30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.
Jealousy causes our very being to rot as it causes us to start to think on things that bring anger and bitterness. This in turn causes us to act on those things in a way that brings literal destruction to our relationships. Think on this for a moment. Have you ever been jealous of something and have not thought "why them? What did they do to deserve that...? Oh at the very lest, thought that "hey I deserve that too! I know I have. I have seen churches destroyed by this green eyed monster. I have seen groups on the internet destroyed by it also. Is it not time for EACH of us to search our own hearts to determine motives for our actions? Is it to build the body of Christ...or to seek our well deserved rewards?
4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?
None of us can withstand the onslaught of jealousy for long if it is not resolved. How many good servants of God have fallen to this monster due to the false accusations of others? Oh we know God is able to use what satan intends for evil but should this be an excuse to allow this? What about those who watch this going on and are driven away from God meanwhile? What about them my friend? How are we going to answer to God why they did not see Jesus in us? How are we going to answer to HIM why they turned and went the other way because they did not seen any difference in us then they did the world?
7 And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot's cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.
Jealousy breaks relationships It tears families and friendships apart. When we follow God, it should unite us in one common bond. John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
Where does Jealousy take us?
We have seen from the Scripture above that it does destroy relationships. It leads to destruction often of all parties.
4 Again, I considered all travail, and every right work, that for this a man is envied of his neighbour. This is also vanity and vexation of spirit.
Song of Solomon 8
6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
I am sure some are thinking this applies to them and there is no hope. I would like to remind you that this problem is far from new. Even the apostles had this problem:
34 But they held their peace: for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.
35 And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.
36 And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them,
How often have we seen in ministry, those that wanted to be right next to the pastor, that world famous evangelist, or some singer that could sing like an angel? How many have gone through school for the sole purpose of getting on so and so's team? We have seen many want to be someone's right hand person, to be on their inner circle.
There have been many that modeled their ministry after another's only to see it fail until they did things God's way. Peter did not try to copy Paul nor did Paul try to copy John. God called each of them to their own unique style of ministry. My friend, God has called YOU to YOUR style of ministry too.
If you have been jealous of others, there is hope my friend. I do however ask, even beg you not to put any human being in this position. Please do not settle for 2nd best...go for the BEST....focus your eyes Only upon JESUS. Let HIM be your model.
13 Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Once again, this has not been an easy message, but it is a needed one. You see, I too have been guilty in the past of wanting to be close to the leadership in some ministries. So what do we do now?
Remember to pray the Psalmist prayer...Search ME oh Lord. Ask God to reveal any wrong motives in your heart. Then if any are shown, confess....1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Oh it is normal to want to be used mighty by God if we love Him and want to serve Him...but the only way to do this my friend..is on HIS terms.
1 Peter 5
5: Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
6: Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
It may take a while so please heed Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
My precious Lord. we ask for You to search our hearts right now to see if any of this applies to us. If so my LORD, convict us and help us to seek Your face to correct this. Help us to be jealousy only for YOU...to want to nestle up only to YOU for there is always room at the Cross for each one to be right by Your side.
Thank You Lord.
My Friend, I want to make one last comment for those who do not know our LORD as their savior. There are times in which it is OK to be jealous. I think of a husband and/or wife who can have a righteous jealousy if their spouse is unfaithful to them. When couples are joined in marriage, the Bible tells us they become one flesh. Yet we see the destruction this does so often. It is no wonder that God hates divorce. Yet far more destructive then this, are the affairs HIS children have on HIM. You see, when a Christian flirts with satan, WE are having an affair on our LORD. Just as we would feel if our spouse left us to go with a person we know would be abusive to them, God knows satan will harm us and destroy is the moment he has a chance
Yet many reading this have not trusted Christ as their savior This many include YOU! . Yes, we can see from the above that Christians are far from perfect...yet we do air our dirty laundry so everyone can see the cost of serving the LORD. My friend, satan never tells you the cost of serving him. He never tells the price for those few moments of pleasure. You can see some of that cost here:
The Hidden Cost...of SIN!
The price has been paid for SIN my friend...MY sin.....YOUR Sin. If YOU have not accepted this payment, come to JESUS today....and please remember...this IS a limited time offer!
How to have eternal
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month