The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
From Victim....to Survivor
In October of 1993, after being held captive for seven years in a
jail cell in Iran, Terry Anderson told America: "For seven years
they took my life, but they never got my mind." It was that day that
I decided that I was no longer a victim of one of the cruelest crimes
toward the human race, but NOW I was a survivor.
What is the difference between "victim" and "survivor"?
1. One who is harmed by another: a victim of a mugging.
2. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance,
agency, or condition
3. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a
voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
4. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the
victim of a cruel hoax.
A victim will often "shut down" after abuse. They will retreat within
self-build walls and will stop functioning as an individual. Often
they will not even venture out of their house.
Flashbacks whereby they relive the abuse over and over are common.
Nightmares often provoke many a sleepless night.
They will tend to suspect anyone and everyone that tries to befriend
them as they think that these people too will abuse them and will
abandon them as soon as they allow them to get close and they find
out what they are like.
Victims often have little of any self-esteem and since they do not
feel worthy of anyone caring about them, they will feel rejection
This rejection is often from within as much as from others as they
seek to drive people away thus proven they are unlovable.
Yet in spite of all of this, confusion sets in as they wonder WHY?
What did I do to be unlovable?
Victims go from one moment to another waiting for the "other shoe to
drop" They spend their time in the past that they ruin their
Needless to say, the above is about those people with whom the abuse
is not ongoing. It took place sometime in the past but is not going
on at present.
We will be writing shortly on boundaries which will help those that
are presently in abusive situations.
One major reason we have difficulties with moving from victim to
survivor (which we will discuss next) is because we have a VICTIM
Our society is producing victims where none occur. How does it do
1: It tells select people that they are victims. It then tells these
people that they are OWED! Blacks are told they are victims of
slavery. Tony Evans said it all when he said: "Get over it! It did
not happen to YOU...it happened to your great grandparents"
Indians are told they are victims because of what happened, as the
United States was growing. Of course the Japanese are victims because
of how they were rounded up and placed in camps in World War II.
Jews are victims because of the Nazis and the list goes on and on.
EACH group can find some reason for being a victim. In almost every
one of these, the events that made them victims did not even happen
in their live time...yet they too are told they are victims.
Tony Evans was right...GET OVER IT!
Any time one is promised payment for being a victim, you will find a
lot more victims. You will find even more if this payment is more
then the damage that was done. If mugging victims were paid $100 for
each time they were mugged, people would start going down the street
with $10 bills sticking out of their pocket so they could be mugged.
The Violence Against Women Act just about does this.
The Office on Violence Against Women administers the Department of
Justice's formula and discretionary grant programs authorized by the
Violence Against Women Act of 1994. The program assists the nation's
criminal justice system in responding to the needs and concerns of
women who have been, or potentially could be, victimized by violence.
Grant programs emphasize enhanced delivery of services to women
victimized by violence;
This act even makes victims of women who MAY be a victim. Ummm think
that includes ALL women! This then helps them find housing, free
lawyers, it will assure they keep the kids, the house and everything
else even if they "potentially could be, victimized by violence"
I do realize that this act is not administered as strongly in some
areas as it is in others. Some areas do realize how blatantly
unconstitutional this act is.
Radical feminist have made victims out of all women. Ladies, do you
realize that just by being married to a man...YOU are a victim?
Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the
women's movement must concentrate on attacking this institution.
Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage."
(radical feminist leader Sheila Cronan).
"Marriage has existed for the benefit of men; and has been a legally
sanctioned method of control over women... We must work to destroy it.
The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for
the liberation of women. Therefore it is important for us to
encourage women to leave their husbands and not to live individually
with men... All of history must be re-written in terms of oppression
of women. We must go back to ancient female religions like
witchcraft." (from "The Declaration of Feminism," November 1971).
MOMS....YOUR kids make you a victim:
The most merciful thing a large family can do to one of its infant
members is to kill it." (Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned
Parenthood, in "Women and the New Rage," p.67.
Being a Christian makes you a victim according to feminist:
"Let's forget about the mythical Jesus and look for encouragement,
solace and inspiration from real women... Two thousand years of
patriarchal rule under the shadow of the cross ought to be enough to
turn women toward the feminist 'salvation' of this world." (Annie
Laurie Gaylor, "Feminist Salvation," "The Humanist", July/August
These same feminist teach "victims" to be angry and bitter at ALL
men. The National Organization of Women has a war on fathers and
wants to get them out of every home. They encourage bitterness and
hate. This is called misandry. One common tactic for these radical
feminist is to claim that anyone that tries to reveal the truth as to
their agenda are doing so because they hate women. In reality, the
radical feminist are the ones that hate women as they do not want to
have any woman held responsible or accountable for her own
actions...thus in effect treating women as little children.
These same groups are also telling us that any father that wants
custody of his children in a divorce are only doing so because they
are all child molesters and abusers. Interesting is it not that this
according to the feminist is only if "fathers" want contact with
their children but not if mothers want it?
When I started this message, I did not intend to include the part on
the feminist above, but in context of my ministry, Shattered Men,
this group is the largest group that is making more victims where
none exist...and denying that many of the victims of domestic
violence do exist. They in fact deny there are any abused MEN. It is
however according to unbiased resources...the hidden half of domestic
My purpose of this message is not to create victims..it is to help us
move from VICTIM....TO SURVIVOR!
1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: families that
were surviving in tents after the flood.
3. To remain functional or usable:
Survivors remain active. They remain functional and useful to
society. Most will not call themselves a "victim" They do not want
to stay in the victim mode nor do they expect society to cater to
them and pity them. Survivors stand TALL.
Survivors know they are worthwhile...that they do matter and they know
they are not responsible for the abuse that did occur but for those
times that as adults, they did do something to encourage it, or at
least they were co-dependant with the abuse, they will assume
responsibility for their part. (IF society did look at BOTH sides of
abuse, one or the other could more easily end the co-dependency thus
preventing abuse in the first place)
Survivors have learned...to LET IT GO!
Survivors have learned to LOVE....
My friend, are you a victim today? Do you want to move from being a
victim to being a survivor?
1: Realize it was not your fault
2: CHOOSE to forgive.
3: Move on!
Some may be thinking, "I am not a victim, never was and never will
Really? My friend. every Human being born of Adam's race IS or was a
victim. Jesus told us that the thief (satan) came to steal and
destroy. We are all victims of his deception because he is the
greatest abuser of all times. Often he will come as if he is the
only one that can help us escape the cycle of abuse by coming as an
angel of light. satan is the master of deception and will tell each
of us the lie we are most likely to believe.
Jesus said I am the Way...the TRUTH and the LIFE...no man comes to
the FATHER but by me (John 14:6)
Why does satan want to harm us?
My friend, are you broken today? Do you feel shattered...The Nailed
Scared Hands can put you back together....
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month