terdShat terd
Men
The hidden half of domestic violence
Sexual Sin
Today, I'm going to take a little break from the
ordinary to address a topic which I feel is an important one and one that seems
to be rarely addressed in the Christian arena. Tonight after somebody sent me a
link on the topic I'm going to talk about, for me to send out to the list, I
prayed about it and decided to write about it.
Today this issue is broadly going to be about sexual sin. I will also give you
fair warning that this is going to be a long one...
All of us here on this list know that on the Internet, there is both good and
evil stuff. Stuff of God and stuff of Satan. Obviously this list is one of the
good things. But there's also a lot of evil stuff. Stuff that not only is viewed
by non-Christians, but is also viewed by Christians.
In my hand, I hold a printed copy of some statistics released by the Christian
organization Focus on the Family from a poll that was conducted by Zogby
International. Here's one of the key parts in it:
"31% of of men surveyed said they had visited sex sites and 37% of 18-24
year olds gave that response. Of interest to Focus on the Family was the fact
that 17.8% of those who claim to be 'born again' Christians and 18% of those who
are married have also viewed sex sites."
Although there are many evils on the Internet, the most prevalent by far is
pornography. When I read that statistic above about nearly 18% of Christians
viewing sex sites, I admit to being a little surprised, but not really.
Pornography is so easy to run into on the Internet, as I know most of you are
probably aware. Even typing in completely innocent phrases into search engines
can bring up sexually related sites.
Whether it's viewing pornography (which is really the sin of lusting) or
pre-marital sex or homosexuality or other sexual sins, one thing is certain -
they are silently eating away at the Body of Christ. In this age that we live
in, with pornography and other evils instantly available at our fingertips and
our children's fingertips, we can not afford to be silent. We as Christians need
to address these topics and we need to help those in our midst that may be
struggling.
We need to recognize that pornography and the sin of lusting (and other sexual
sins) comes straight from the evil one. Satan has deceived many people including
many Christians into the trap of pornography. I use the word "trap"
because for many that's what it is. The viewing of pornography can be an
addiction, just like taking drugs or drinking alcohol can be an addiction (If
you have any doubt about this, then I would invite you to visit the links I've
included below.)
And I have no doubt that there are people on this list who are in this trap
and/or in others laid out by the devil. My goal in this issue is to 1) Raise a
consciousness among all on this list that this is an issue that needs to be
addressed not just on some email list, but within our churches, schools, and
homes, for that is where it hits and hits hard...and 2) to offer help to those
on this list struggling with sexual sin.
I've heard it said that true Christians cannot possibly
repeatedly view pornography or be involved in other sexual sins and still be a
Christian. Really? If that is true, then I am not a Christian. That's right - by
that standard - the guy who sends you Christian material every day is not a
Christian. I can almost see the faces of the people on this list right now -
people with expressions of surprise or astonishment - all thinking "Did
Chris just admit to being involved in sexual sin?" Yes, I did. Satan
introduced me to pornography when I was only 10 years old...By the time I turned
my life over to Christ at the age of 15, I was already long addicted to it. Oh,
I tried to stop over and over again...but I couldn't. Satan had control of me in
this one area. But yet, I was still a Christian. Yes, that could sound to some
like a contradiction, but if you've ever been addicted to anything, then you
know that really it isn't. Yes, there were many times (way too many to count)
where I cried out to God to forgive me and deliver me.
Back in October many of you may remember that I wrote about a Christian renewal
based "retreat" that I went on. I gave this issue up to God at that
time (again) but this time it seemed different - I felt I had finally broken
free. And I had, for a short while...but then I foolishly let down my guard and
gave in again. I picked myself back up and am trying to live a pure life, but I
fight a battle every day. And I know that some of you are fighting daily
spiritual battles too. Maybe it's pornography, maybe not. The truth is that it
doesn't matter what the battle is you're facing because underneath they are all
the same battle - a battle between righteousness and unrighteousness, purity and
impurity, faithfulness and unfaithfulness. There's a war a ragin'...a war for
our mind and souls.
I'd like to share a quote with you by the late Rich Mullins:
"You know, a lot of people have this misconception that ministers and
musicians and people who are daily talking about Christ and Christianity and
that sort of thing really have no, or few, struggles. And I kind of had bought
into that for a long time, thinking that, gee by the time I'm in my
mid-thirties, I should pretty much be too old to be tempted by anything. I have
really had to come to terms with the fact that as long as I live, there will be
temptations. And so...I just kind of got to a point where I was going, man, I
don't know if I can make it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to live this
close to falling all the time. But then I thought about the words of Paul, where
the Lord spoke to Paul and said, 'My grace is sufficient.'" - Rich Mullins,
the "Awesome God" guy
Another quote by C.S. Lewis:
"Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is...That is
why bad people know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life
by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside
us until we try to fight it; and Christ, because He was the only man who never
yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what
temptation means - the only complete realist." - C.S. Lewis
Some may be bothered by the fact that I have admitted to having sinned. I find
it odd that ministers and leaders of ministries are often put on some pedestal
as though they are perfect individuals. They're not. And I'm not either. I try
to live my life as Christ would have me live it, but I fail just like everybody
else. There are no perfect people alive on this earth today. The only reason why
I have chosen to disclose my particular area of vulnerability is because I feel
that it is an issue that affects many people, and Christians by and large are
not addressing it, or not addressing it in the way that it needs to be
addressed.
Make no mistake about it: If you are not personally
struggling with the sin of lust (viewing pornography/sinful thoughts) or with
other sexually related sins, chances are really good that someone that you know
and love and care about does. That could mean your parents, your children, your
spouse, your neighbor, your friends...just about anybody. Like I said, they are
silent sins. They're not talked about. And often times people who are struggling
are afraid to talk about them and seek help.
But they need to be talked about. And help needs to be given. We need to talk to
our children about these sins and why they are wrong. We cannot afford to be
silent. It has been said that sexual addictions/sins are the silent killer of
the Church. And I believe it.
There are several web sites that I want to share with all of you. They are meant
to offer help to those struggling with online pornography or other sexually
related issues. I do not personally agree with everything on each of them and
some of them even contradict each other on some things, but as a whole they are
valuable resources. I need to warn you that they are frank and candid (which I
think is the way it should be).
1) www.pureintimacy.org - A site run by Focus on the Family, which specifically
addresses the issue of online pornography. There are 2 sections of the site, one
for people struggling with pornography and one for people who have a loved one
who is struggling with pornography.
2) www.settingcaptivesfree.com - This site, run by an individual who himself was
once a slave to pornography, not only discusses the dangers of pornography, but
has a free 60-day online course to help free people from pornography.
3) www.doorofhope.net - Similar to the settingcaptivesfree.com site listed
above, except this site deals with homosexuality. It also has an online course
to help free people from homosexuality.
4) www.afa.net/pornography - Loads of articles relating to pornography and
sexual addiction. Also contains several links to additional Christian sites in
this area.
5) www.sexualintegrity.org - A site run by Christians for Sexual Integrity
dedicated to helping people maintain pure lives. Through this site, one can
request resources and get information on a toll-free call center where one can
speak to a live person.
There are also a number of printed resources in this area. For a resource list,
you can call Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY and request the resource list
entitled "Sexuality: Special Situations" This list contains
information on several resources you can order through Focus on the Family. If
you are currently struggling with pornography, I can personally recommend a book
entitled "The War Within" by Robert Daniels and it can be ordered by
calling the number above and asking for resource #BP870.
I have a couple more things that I need to say for clarification's sake and then
I have a quick story to share with you relating to temptation/sexual sin.
The first thing I need to say is that this is not an issue that I have been
planning to discuss in any way with the list. I all of a sudden just felt a
couple of hours ago that I needed to talk about this today. I prayed about it
and then started writing.
The second thing I need to make clear is that yes I have done my share of
sinning. We all have. I would hope that my disclosure of my own battle will not
disqualify me in some people's minds to be able to share inspirational and
Christian material with them, but I know better. I recognize that there will be
people on this list who because they do not understand the nature of the battle
(even though I've tried to lay it out) will possibly be upset with me and/or
want to unsubscribe. This does bother me and I do believe strongly that this
ministry is a place where I am to minister, however anybody who wants to
unsubscribe certainly has a right to do so.
The third thing I need to say is that I do recognize that I will get a load of
email over this message today - some positive and some negative. I'm prepared
for all - just keep in mind that I most likely won't be able to reply to all
messages and if I do reply, it could be several days.
The final thing I need to say is that for those who are new to the list, I
rarely give personal commentary or messages on this list because that's not its
purpose.
One last quick closing story is below.
Thank you for your patience with this long message! :)
Your Brother in Christ,
Chris
------
The Roaring Lion
(By Dr. James Dobson, from his book "Life on the Edge")
He [Satan] laid a trap for me during a time of particular vulnerability. Shirley
and I had been married just a few years when we had a minor fuss. It was no big
deal but we were both pretty agitated at the time. I got in the car and drove
around for about an hour to cool off. Then when I was on the way home, a very
attractive girl drove up beside me in her car and smiled. She was obviously
flirting with me. Then she slowed down, looked back, and turned onto a side
street. I knew she was inviting me to follow her.
I didn't take the bait. I just went on home and made up with Shirley. But I
thought later about how vicious Satan had been to take advantage of the
momentary conflict between us. The Scripture refers to the devil as "a
roaring lion...seeking whom he might devour" (1 Peter 5:8 KJV). I can see
how true that description really is. He knew his best opportunity to damage our
marriage was during the hour or two when we were irritated with each other. That
is typical of his strategy. He'll lay a trap for you, too, and it'll probably
come at a time of vulnerability. Beautiful, enticing, forbidden fruit will be
offered to you when your "hunger" is greatest. If you are foolish
enough to reach for it, your fingers will sink into the rotten mush on the back
side. That's the way sin operates in our lives. It promises everything. It
delivers nothing but disgust and heartache.
Someone said it this way: All you need to grow the finest crop of weeds is a
tiny crack in your sidewalk.
(This email is posted in other clubs by Kezzie, and comes from an email she received.)
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month