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At times marital separation is warranted to stop abusive behavior or to demonstrate emphatically that you mean business when dealing with un repented, sinful behavior. Under specific circumstances and with careful planning, separation can be a step towards reconciliation.

It can be a strategy used to say, "knock it off . Get serious; get self-control; and stop misbehaving. When you can show that you are a changed person (over time), we'll reunite." Separation can sometimes temporarily disrupt the negativity when couples are busy blaming each other and toxic in their interactions. The purpose of separation under these circumstances is to give individuals spouses time and space to think more clearly

about the relationship and work on personal issues. Time committed to prayer is essential. Prayer should be directed towards asking God to reveal your part in the problem, not to seek His will about divorce, because God does not want divorce. Christians should know that the heart of the Father is for reconciliation, so every person who is separated should know that the ultimate goal should always be reconciliation. Reconciliation requires both forgiveness and a true change of heart. Jesus knew that relational problems are heart problems: When the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee, went to Jesus requesting that her sons each sit at His right and left respectively, it created a disturbance with the other ten disciples.

Instead of mediating the dispute, Jesus questioned James and John if they were able to drink the cup He was about to drink (Matt. 20:22-23). Then He admonished the other ten that to be great in the kingdom of God, they had to be willing to serve (Matt. 20:26-27). Jesus never addressed the dispute. He knew that relational problems are heart problems. He instead challenged each individual in the area of his/her own problem.

Relatives caught in the middle should do just what Jesus did. Challenge each individual to look to their own hearts. Remind them that separation is a step necessary to heal the relationship. Do not take sides, remain neutral. Follow the example of our Lord. Pray for the relationship and share this very effective scripture....Galatians 5:22-23. When sharing this scripture explain that every born again believer receives the fruit of the Spirit at salvation.

This fruit however must be developed by yielding to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Read it out loud to them and ask them to meditate on the scripture. You may also explain the following: Often people think that marriage is design to bring out the best in people. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

The closeness of a marital relationship brings character flaws to the surface faster than any other relationship on earth. Right now the very circumstance that they seek to run from is what the Holy Spirit wants to use to mature His fruit within them. They must allow the Holy Spirit to work in their individual lives and their relationship. Do not run away from the problem. Their maturity is measured not by the years they've been going to church, but by the degree to which they will yield to the work of the Holy Spirit within them.