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Men
The hidden half of domestic violence
Inside A ‘Batterers Program’ for ‘Abused’ Women Part 2
More
Families In DSS . . . More $$ For Everyone Unhealthy relationship between DSS
and domestic violence Industry
By Nev Moore
Two thirds of the funding to Independence House in Hyannis comes from DSS,
channeled through the state Department of Public Health, while the other comes
from private and corporate donations.
Therefore, Independence House is dependent on DSS for survival, and, therefore,
beholden to DSS as the hand that feeds them. They quickly learned from their
mentors, who are pros at it, that if you pad your client roster by coercing
unwilling clients, you fight your way to a better position on the "funders"
food chain.
Last year the Dept. of Public Health cut $350,000 of funding to Independence
House due to complaints by women. Senator Henri Rauschenbach got it reinstated.
The relationship between DSS and Independence House (and its sister
organizations around the state) is unhealthy and symbiotic.
Because DSS has allowed the battered women’s "advocates" to trade in
their rusty VW buses for new Lexuses (that is literally true for some women who
work at Independence House), greed has replaced integrity and an honest desire
to help other women. They work together to dramatically increase their client
statistics. When the support groups report women’s conversations back to DSS,
this information is used to charge the mothers with neglect, for
"allowing" their children to be exposed to "domestic
violence."
In court, DSS claims the women have "poor judgment" when it goes to
court to terminate their parental rights. The proof? The fact that the women
attended the battered women’s center for services – even though they were
ordered to go by DSS. As further "proof" DSS will use the restraining
orders that they forced the women to get.
Although I was coerced to attend by DSS, some of the women come voluntarily for
help. The battered women’s groups basically pimp clients for DSS in return for
money. They are patronizing and condescending to their clients (not to mention
deceptive). Women are coerced into accepting their cultish indoctrination via
the use of threats, intimidation and fear of losing their children. In fact,
they employ all the methods and behaviors that are considered abuse and control
if committed by the women’s husbands or boyfriends.
Independence House and its sister organizations provide DSS with additional
clients. The women’s groups get more money, and DSS gets more state and
federal money. They both are artificially inflating their numbers. They inflate
the domestic violence statistics this way and through the use of coerced
restraining orders. By artificially inflating the domestic violence statistics
they are able to create political hysteria – leading to more funding.
Women are ordered to leave their husbands, even in the complete absence of real
domestic violence or abuse. They are ordered to never let the fathers see their
children, or DSS will charge the woman with neglect, again. Women are ordered to
leave their homes and to sever contact with their mates. They then discover
that, in order to get shelter, housing, food stamps, Medicaid, or cash benefits,
they must claim to be victims of domestic violence to get a priority. Women are
told they must do this to keep their children or to get them back if DSS already
has them.
The "Freedom to make your own choices" means the choices they
want you to make. The choices that will benefit them financially.
How Did We End Up In DSS?
Government intervention turns to harassment By Nev Moore
Thirteen months after my husband drank too much one night and with no problems
of any kind after that incident, the social worker, Kathy Marciante, and Sue
Ash, the domestic violence "expert," showed up while I was working in
my garden in May 1997.
I was very surprised to see them as I had not seen or heard from any DSS social
worker in a couple of months, so I didn’t even think that we were still
involved with DSS. The two women, in deadly serious tones, told me that I had to
pack a few things in a bag, and that I and my children would have to go with
them to an "undisclosed location."
After the shock wore off, I believe I burst out laughing. I felt as if I had
just slipped into a "B" spy movie. The two women would not elaborate
on their request, but kept adamantly insisting that I leave my home with them.
They informed me that I would not be able to contact anybody or allow anyone to
know where I was. I kept asking them why they were here, but I didn’t get an
answer. They said that if I didn’t go with them, they would have to consult
with their legal department about removing the children. My 16-year old son told
them that they were ludicrous and there was absolutely no reason for them to be
there. He also told them that our daughter was very close to us and clingy, and
that it would deeply traumatize her to take her away from us and her home.
By this time the little one was home from school. She was very frightened and
hid behind me. Eventually, I became angry and ordered them off my property,
suggesting that they go down to a well-known crack neighborhood where they were
needed.
Our daughter was too frightened to go to school the next day. We sat her down
and told her that we loved her and would never, ever allow anyone to take her
away. The following day they snatched her from her classroom. It was weeks
before we saw her again.
It was four months before we were able to get a hearing before a judge in
Barnstable Juvenile Court. We had 29 continuances before our case was heard. It
was 13 months before our daughter returned to her home.
A Year of Snooping It had all started the previous spring after my husband spent
a night of drinking with a buddy and assaulted me outside of our home. A
passerby called 911 on their car phone. Our children weren’t present or
involved, one being away on a trip; and the youngest, our seven-year-old
daughter, was asleep in her bedroom at the upstairs back of our large, old
captain’s house. It is the practice of the police now to call DSS whenever
they are called to a house where underage children reside.
Neither of us minimized or denied the seriousness of the incident, and we
immediately took steps to ensure that this would never happen again. I made it
clear to my husband that I would not accept a chaotic lifestyle, and he could
not remain in the home if he chose to continue drinking. Of his own accord, he
entered counseling and became active in AA. He stopped consorting with drinking
friends and has not set foot in a bar since that night. I was clear about what I
wanted for myself and quite in charge of my own life.
When the young, ditsy (there truly is no other adjective I can use) social
worker from DSS showed up, we allowed her in and were civil. I explained clearly
that as two intelligent, mature adults we were quite capable of managing our own
lives, marriage, and problems. If I needed help, I knew how to dial 911. For
several months she kept pushing me to attend "Independence House."
Over and over, I explained in simple language that I did not feel myself to be a
battered woman, and I adamantly did not want to go to Independence House.
I am not
weak, dependent, nor in need of their services. I was hardly the profile of a
dependent, beaten-down, battered woman being controlled by her domineering
husband. I explained that my husband didn’t control me, didn’t control my
money, and I was free to come and go as I pleased, have whatever friends I
chose, and could say or do what I wished. [She wrote down that I was a textbook
case of a battered woman "in denial."]
"Protecting My Abuser" I explained to her that I had the life of my
dreams, was happy and fulfilled, and that, outside of that isolated incident, my
husband treated me like a princess. I told her, not that it was any of her
business, my husband and I loved each other and were committed to our marriage.
[She wrote that I was "protecting my abuser."] She would complain
about her ex-husband (not that I had any interest in hearing) and
condescendingly say to me, "I know how you feel. My husband was abusive,
too." I would look at her like she had two heads and tell her that I never
said any such thing. I do not feel that way. When I told her that my husband was
very sweet to me and we had a great time together, she gave me a "service
plan" on which one of the tasks was to go to Independence House for
treatment to help me "lower my denial." [When I told her I was happy
and fulfilled in life, she wrote down that I needed treatment to raise my
self-esteem. Anyone who knows me will get a good guffaw from that one!]
If I said I didn’t want to go to Independence House, she reported that as a
sign that my husband was controlling and isolating me. She would tell me that we
could meet away from my house where I could speak freely, if I could get away
without fear of repercussions. I looked at her like she had three heads. No
matter how many times I, or the children, would tell her that we were fine,
there was no violence or abuse, we weren’t afraid of my husband, and there was
no cause for her to be involved with us, it made no difference. She would
continue to write down that the whole family was "in denial," and we
were protecting my husband out of fear.
I attempted to use logic by pointing out to her that our house is on the main
street of a quaint, little historical village, across the street from the court
house, the fire station, the sheriff’s office, a few doors down from a
Senator’s office, and surrounded by antique shops and lawyers’ offices.
There is a thrift shop attached to our house and a realty office. We are highly
visible in the community and well liked. No one had ever seen or heard anything
amiss. There were no police calls to the house, not so much as a noise
complaint. I pointed out that this was not a location where disruption would go
unnoticed. It would be impossible to hide. [So she wrote down that there was
"ongoing domestic violence."] It was about this time that I began to
feel like Alice going down the rabbit hole.
At that time I was unaware that all the considerable funding to "combat
domestic violence" was channeled through DSS. To the tune of $13 million a
year. The DSS worker brought a "domestic violence expert," Sue Ash, to
my home a couple of times. (What are the qualifications to be a "domestic
violence expert"?) I reiterated my story, over and over. I felt like I was
being subjected to an inquisition, and was down to reciting name, rank, and
serial number. They insisted that I meet them for coffee at a diner. [Maybe
I’d crack.] The expert also met Tommy and me together.
The social worker dropped me and my daughter off at our house. I believed
at this point that I had done everything I could possibly do to make DSS happy,
without knowing why I should have to do so. My children had never been abused or
neglected by any stretch of the imagination, so why was my life being
micro-managed by strangers?
Harassment Starts Again After a few weeks the social worker and supervisor
started harassing me again, this time claiming that they had lost their copy of
the restraining order and the court couldn’t find it in their files either. I
had lost all patience at this point and told them that it wasn’t my problem
and to stop harassing me. They continued to threaten to take the children unless
I got another restraining order. Later on, in court hearings and in the DSS case
file, they claimed that I had gone into the court building and just pretended to
get the restraining order. My husband and I went over to court together to get
another one. The judge this time was a village resident, Judge Gerald O’Neil.
When we told the judge that we wanted a restraining order against my husband, he
quipped that he’d never had a husband and wife come together to get a
restraining order.
We said that we were being forced to get it by DSS even though there was no
violence in our home, and that neither the children nor I were in fear. Judge
O’Neil said that he didn’t like DSS dictating to him in his court room, but
if not getting the order would put our family at risk with DSS, then he would
issue it. We got a restraining order for one year.
But it didn’t stop them from taking our children. The fact that I had applied
for a restraining order helped them. That’s why they wanted it.
Nev Moore is President of Justice for Families, a group she founded to help
parents who have problems with the DSS. They can be reached at (508) 362-6921 or
P.O. Box 141, Barnstable, MA 02630.
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month