The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
Obsessive Love. What is it? Can we love too much? What is the right
and the wrong kind of love?
First, what is obsessive? Merriam-Webster states it is:
tending to cause obsession b : excessive often to an unreasonable
Obsession: a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often
unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly : compelling motivation
So can we love too much? You may well be saying..."hey wait a
minute...what about all this unconditional love you keep telling us
about?" Well unconditional love can not be obsessive. Love
frees. Lets look to the primary example of love according to the
Word of God.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not
easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things,
endureth all things.
Love suffereth long
Love takes a lot of abuse...it is long suffering. This does not mean it goes looking for abuse. Matthew 5:44: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"
Love envieth not
Love is not jealous. It does not look at another person as "my"
property. In fact, real love will recognize that all we have belongs
to God anyway. We will get the attitude that if It belongs to GOD
and it is but on loan to us then He can claim what is rightfully HIS
anytime HE wants...and we need to be thankful for the loan of it for
a while. It is sort of like that story about the kid with the
bird...if he frees it and the bird comes back, then it is his. We have often seen some that have wanted to keep a relationship with a particular person at all cost. They have at times even told God that if they can not have this person, they do not want God. This is obsessive love if I have ever seen it. It is this type of love that produces stalking. They spend all their waking time thinking of and even spying on this person. This actually...makes that person their god.
Love vaunteth not itself
Love does not build itself up beyond what we are. We have to keep a balance. There are some that think that as a Christian, we should feel worthless and that any element of pride is sin. This is not true. We as children of God are the children of the KING. We have been made worthy by Jesus Christ so it is a matter of remembering where our self worth comes from. That is to remember we are worthy because we have been adapted into God's family. He "chose" us and we are the apple of HIS eye.
Note this verse: Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
Doth not behave itself unseemly
Love does not do things that bring attention to itself. It stays in the shadows and allows those we love to come to us. Love does not force itself on another.
Seeketh not her own
Love looks after the interest of others. We often see people in the process of thinking of getting married. We find that often men think..."she is a great cook and she is great in this or that area" Women often may think "he is a great provider and he has a good job and makes a lot of money." In one "Joe Millionaire" show, a couple of the girls were talking and one said that if she married him, she could change this or that about poor (in more ways then one) Joe. I have heard that often women marry men thinking of the ways they need to change them, and men marry women thinking they do not want them to change one bit. BOTH are going to be sadly mistaken and if we marry anyone with these attitudes, we are already in big trouble in that marriage.
If one goes into marriage, it should be for what they can give to the marriage...not what they can get out of it. Love...seeks not its own.
Is not easily provoked
Love looks beyond the fault of others and sees the need behind what is seen. It looks for ways to minister to those that may even lash out at them. Love recognizes that often one will lash out at the first "safe person" they have...and most often that is the one they do feel loves them. Do we look beyond the immediate problem to see what is causing that problem? Guys, remember, often women do seem to want us to pry it out of them perhaps to see if we care enough to be persistent to ask how they feel? Ladies, often men will not expose their feelings because so often when they do, they get put down. Could this be because one of the basic needs of women is security and if a woman sees that her husband is not the "superman" she though him to be, that her sense of security is diminished? We need to remember...Love is not easily provoked. We will be patient in listening to our wives. Guys...this is the number one reason that is given when women hit their husband first...He was not listening to me. Women, let your husband be human. Don't make him into a superman. The toil is very heavy if one bottles up their feelings to pretend they do not hurt.
Thinketh no evil
Now I know that there are many men and women that have violated trust. They have been unfaithful and this makes this very hard to do for those who felt betrayed. This is why it is so important not to violate the trust of your husband or wife. The Word of God tells us not to be a stumbling block in the path of others. Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
But for normal situations, love does not think evil of others without proof. Even with proof, it seeks to rebuild and restore broken relationships. This often requires forgiveness and being forgiven. We have often been asked what if I ask forgiveness and it is not given? My friends, this puts a heavy burden on the person that has Biblically sought forgiveness. It can keep them from being all God wants them to be as they focus on what more they can do to repair the breech. It also hinders the one that does not forgive.
Love does not think evil...but love also does not willing put another in a position to think evil. I often talk to other women in the course of ministry. I have made sure my wife knows all my female friends. I encourage her to talk to them and I make sure I tell any new contacts that I am happily married. I will not put my marriage in jeopardy. Love thinks no evil, but it does not put others in the place to be tempted to think evil either.
Rejoiceth not in iniquity
Too often we have seen some that seem to rejoice in the fact that someone is lost. Oh I can understand the anger at times. Often in the course of the ministry God has given me, I have posted some very bitter medicine for some to take. We have posted to forgive those that have abused us. Some have been or have had loved ones horribly abused and they detest thinking about forgiving. They want to see the abuser, well to put it bluntly, to die and go to hell. I have posted at times the root cause of some abuse. This has in turn cause problems but I wonder if it stems from an unforgiving spirit which results in bitterness. These are strongholds that have to be exposed and dealt with for healing to begin.
If we are one of these, please remember what God tells us in"The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."
Remember also, that if God could not forgive these people, HE could not have forgiven US either.
Love is not glad when someone perishes.
Rejoiceth in the truth
Truth will often hurt. When we hear truth that we are not walking in, we have to change direction. This means we have to admit we are wrong. When we hear truth, we often have to get back on that potter's wheel for reshaping and remolding to be made closer to His image once again. This is seldom pleasant but it is worth the results. We need to get in the habit of listening with a catcher's mitt and not a pitch fork to throw what we learn to others. Remember, it is often ME ..oh LORD...standing in the need of prayer.
Obsessive love entraps and enslaves. Real love FREES...
Jesus has real love for each of us. Let HIM be our example. Jesus does not force Himself on anyone. Should we? Look at the words of this song:
Standing somewhere in the shadows you'll find Jesus
He's the only one who cares and understand
Standing in the shadows you will find Him
And you'll know Him by the nail prints in His hand
If you have never felt real love, come to JESUS today. He is the source of all love.
Do you have obsessive love? Is there anyone or anything you value more then you do a relationship with God? Is there a human relationship you want regardless of the cost? If so, it is obsessive love and this love smoothers and destroys all those involved. Real love frees, and if it comes back, you know it is something to value. If it does not come back, it was not yours to begin with.
What can you do about obsessive love? First realize that God wants your full attention. Go to HIM and confess this obsessive love which is a sin first of all against God, and then against the person it is directed toward. Confess it. Use 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"
Use the effective prayer for hurting people to clean all of this out.
REAL HEALING can begin...for you and for the one obsessive love is directed at.
Pitchfork...or Catchers Mitt Religion??
Love Worth Finding
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month