The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
NO PAIN.....NO GAIN
We often call those times when we feel great, "mountain top experiences" We love those times. Most of us never want to come down from the mountain. We would stay up there forever if we could. Well my friend, please realize it is the valleys we go through that make the mountain top so wonderful. For if it were not for these valleys, we would not appreciate the mountain tops. We have often heard this expressed another way...no pain, no gain. Lets look at how this pain...these valleys, make the mountain top so wonderful.
MYTH: If I ignore it, it will go away. This can be pain from any one of a number of source...and most likely a combination of them. The situation we deal with most is pain from abuse, past and present.
TRUTH: Pain is most often a tool God uses for our good.
John 13:7 Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.
1: GOD Uses Pain to GOAD me. The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. Proverbs 20:30
Pain is often used by God to help us take corrective action. He uses it to "goad" us into doing something that will prevent more harm. When as a child we burn ourselves on a hot stove, it teaches us to not grab things that are hot. There are several types of pain Of course we all know about the most common pains...physical and emotional. Another major source of pain we will deal with here is Spiritual Shattered Men does work often with all three of these types of pain. Physical from abuse. Of course that results in emotional pain as this occurs before most physical abuse does. Needless to say, it is most often a result of Spiritual pain as deep within each of us, we have a need to have a right relationship with our Creator.
Most of us, when we have been hurt repeatedly, will start to build walls. These walls are intended to keep others out, to keep them at a distance so we will not get hurt anymore. It HURTS to love someone. In order to do so, we have to make ourselves vulnerable When we have been hurt we will tend to drive others off. Much like a wounded animal biting the very hand trying to give it help, we bite the hand of those offering it in friendship. Most often these people do not understand why and go away thinking we are ungrateful and they withdraw their aide. This in turn "proves" we are right...that they did not "really care" about us. And we dig the rut of our own pain deeper and deeper. The wall goes higher and higher.
The Prodigal son is a prime example from God's Word how pain resulted in corrective action being taken to resolve a need. It is an example of how a wall was torn down and a bridge built instead.
11 And he said, A certain man had two sons:
12 And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
13 And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
14 And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
15 And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16 And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
25 Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.
26 And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.
27 And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
28 And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.
29 And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:
30 But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.
31 And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
God uses Pain to GUIDE me. It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Psalms 119:71
Pain helps us to pay attention. If it were not for pain, we would walk around on broken legs or use broken arms until so much damage was done to them, they would be useless. Emotional pain is intended for us to take corrective action to prevent ruined relationships. Yet we so often ignore this until we see our husband or wife walk out the front door, never to return again. We can also ignore the warn signs that our loved ones are in deep emotional pain until we drive them to someone else that will listen. When our loved ones tell us "we need to talk" we need to listen more and talk less. We most certainly need to avoid trying the "quick fix" and that all so often...but YOU....type statements. Statements such as You made me....always builds walls. They place blame and we need to avoid doing that. Once more, when relationships get to this point, it is often a result of both being wrong..so lets build bridges, not walls. Use statements more like "when you do, I feel..... Ask for verification of what ones intention was. Do not accuse.
God is doing that with us my friend. HE is in the process of making us in His image, conforming us to Christ.
1 John 3
2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.
3 And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
We all know the example of the potters wheel that tells us that God is making us into something HE can use.
(this can be found in ) Pottery is often tested to see if it will pass. We too are being tested. Will we pass? Let God train you my friend. Let Him Guide you in the way you should go:
If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? Hebrews 12:7
GOD whispers in our pleasure but HE SHOUTS in our pain.
We often talk to them in a normal tone of voice, giving them instructions, advise or to just talk to them. But if they should be outside and we see them about to run into the road and we see a speeding car coming down the street, do we simply say...Johnny, please stop at the curb? I hardly think so. We would say JOHNNY STOP.....STOP A CAR IS COMING..... My friend, our pain is often God shouting at us...to protect us. You know those guilt feelings. that emotional pain when we have had an inappropriate chat with someone on the internet....that is God shouting at you my friend...PLEASE listen. Of course, the list can go on.
GOD uses Pain to GAGE me. James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction Isaiah 48:10
God does not test us so HE will know what we will do, but so we do. Picture a father bring home several bags of cement to do a project. His young son comes up and says "I will help dad" and goes to lift one of those 80 pound bags. Does the father actually think he can when he allows this? Or is it to feel the joy that we get when our son comes to us and says "dad, I need your help to help you? Of course it is the latter for we love to know our children realize they need us. Why should God be any different? Does HE not allow us to try to do things on our own so we can learn to lean ONLY upon HIM?
Our test are
like putting a tea bag in hot water. It allows us to see what
is inside. What is inside you my friend? What lesson are we
learning? Remember, we will never fail HIS test...but we may need to take a
retest over and over until we do pass.
God Uses Pain to GUARD me. But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Genesis 50:20
Think of the emotional pain Joseph must have had when he was sold into slavery by his brothers. (Genesis 37-50) Yet God had a greater purpose in allowing this. It saved his life and it later saved a nation.
In this situation, we see that Joseph was able to forgive major abuse. He was also able to forgive false charges of rape and imprisonment as a result of that false charge. It showed mercy and grace. Mercy forgets. Grace says I have a future.
God uses Pain to GROW me. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:4
I have noted that most Christians that have not had much pain in their life, tend to be shallow Christians. They want to quit when the going gets tough. We see this type coming to Jesus at night. They are mostly Sunday Christians. BUT...find one that has been through great pain...someone like Moses, David, or Joseph and we often find mighty warriors for God. What kind do YOU want to be my friend?
The very thing that discourages us the most, God uses to develop us the most.
What do we do with this pain?
Effective Prayer For Hurting People
Often, when we are
hurting the most, it is hard to pray. We do not have the words. All we know is
that it HURTS. Friends, when this happens we know the Holy Spirit is there
interceding on our behave. Romans 8:26 tells us that He makes intercession for
us with the groaning that cannot be uttered.
When I am hurting this much or interceding for those who hurt, I often find it helpful to address this type of prayer to DADDY!
Last evening I went to "Daddy" to intercede on behave of a friend. I told Daddy that my friend was hurting and I wanted Him to comfort this friend. We DO have this closeness with Almighty God. He deeply desires it. Romans 8:15 tells us we have the Spirit of ADOPTION whereby we cry ABBY FATHER. This is the same, as "daddy" It shows the closeness God wants from us. Following are some things I find helpful:
Pray as if all our hurts we in a jar. We take the lid off the jar and POUR ALL our hurts out to "Daddy" We tell Him all about everything that is hurting. (it was during one of these times I realized I was bitter at my parents and did not even realize it) Pour all the hurts and anger and bitterness out to Him Clean house and expose every last bit of garbage we can find in our life and POUR it out until we are emotional drained. It would be best to do this when we are in our secret closet. (I can not imagine any of us doing this without needing tissue near by.) When we are emotionally drained, then we wait upon the Lord (Isa 40:31) As we wait, (it may help to have praise music softly in the background) we mediate upon God's Word. We ask God to give new meaning to old hurts during this time.
When we receive the new meaning to these hurts, Praise God for the new meaning. (Often the new meaning comes as satan's lies being exposed as lies. Lies such as his telling us we are no good and no one cares about us. I believed that for years and it was a bunch of lies.) JESUS cared enough about US about me and about YOU that He DIED for us. We can not get any more worthwhile then that.
When we received healing from these hurts, we need to APPLY 2nd Corinthians 1:3,4 and comfort others with the comfort God gives us during these times. God most often shows HIS love to us through other people and that is a blessing folks. One I do not take lightly. He has used many of you to show me He loves me and I trust that many of you have been shown that He loves you through me. Because HE Lives I CAN face tomorrow!
(feel free to repost any of my messages anywhere you feel they will help other people. I trust they are from God and are not MY messages so I need not even have "credit" for them. Our goal is to help as many hurting people as possible!
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month