The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
Manipulation and the Bible
Manipulation is to manage or control
by shrewd use of influence often in an unfair
or fraudulent way. It resulted in the downfall of
Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was
subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God
had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said,
Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat
of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But
of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of
the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it,
neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. 4 And the
serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof,
then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as
gods, knowing good and evil. 6 And when the woman
saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was
pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make
one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat,
and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Often when asked, we would say the first sin was eating
the forbidden fruit..but is it the 'first' sin?
All sin comes from three root causes:
1 John 2:16 For all that is in the
world, the lust of the
flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life,
is not of the Father, but is of the world.
We look, we see, we want and we
take...it all centers on
our own selfish wants and desires. Manipulation
is the same thing. I contend that perhaps the first
sin was PRIDE.. pride that was ACTED upon
resulting in eating the forbidden fruit. (see verse 5 in
Gen above) Adam and Eve wanted to be like
God...and is not this the same thing that caused satan's
downfall? (Isaiah 14:12-14) satan wanted to be as God.
We are told that to think about a sin is the same
as doing it in the Lord's sight but we know that it is
dwelling on it that is sin...not the fleeting
thought of it... Why is this? Is it not that we are
told that as a man thinketh in his heart so he is?
Our thoughts do become actions if we
think about it long enough.
That is why Romans 12:1,2 tells us that it is by
the renewing of our MIND or changing the way we
THINK... that makes us a living sacrifice wholly
acceptable to God. So if PRIDE is the root of
sin...the and the root of manipulation and control.. what
is the cure?
To determine this, let's first of all determine just what pride is.
We know it is one of the so-called
deadly sin but in reality any
sin is deadly. Sin has caused us to need a redeemer.
It matters not which sin we did as all sin has resulted in
the death penalty for the sinner. PRIDE...a) an unduly high opinion
of oneself; exaggerated self esteem; conceit b) haughty behavior
resulting from this; arrogance This reminds me of:
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before
destruction, and an haughty
spirit before a fall.
Is not this what happened in heaven when a third of the angles fell?
Is it not what happened in the garden?
Is it not what far too often
happens to US? Sin has causes every area of human relationships to be defiled.
Marriage is one of the main
ones. We have all heard of the "battle of the
sexes" It is not a recent onset...it has been going on since man was cast out of the garden. When God told Eve that her desire would be to her husband and her
husband would rule over her...the war was on. You see, "desire' does not mean that she wants to do what he wants...I have heard some say the Hebrew indicates that she
would want to rule him....(the first feminist movement?)
If pride is "an unduly high opinion of
oneself" we need only to remember Romans 12:3 tells us: For I say, through
the grace given unto me, to every
man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the
measure of faith. satan plays this trick both ways...this verse tells us to not think more highly of ourselves then we should...this indicates that we are
suppose to have good self esteem, but not more then we should yet satan often tells us that any self esteem is pride and we then go the other way and debase ourselves, thinking we are worthless and no good. Both extremes are wrong. That is why it is so important to keep a balance in our walk with God.
In domestic affairs so often one
"allows" manipulation because he/she feels worthless and often because they are
told they are so often that they start to believe it. On the other hand, often
the other person tells them they are because they have serious self -esteem
problems themselves so they overcompensate by
thinking more highly of themselves then they should. satan does play every low down dirty trick in the book and that is why we need to KNOW the Word of God so
that these tricks will not work.
When we seek to manipulate others..it is often based on PRIDE. What is the opposite of pride? Would it not be humility..the state of being humble? Humble: having or showing a consciousness of one's shortcomings; not proud; not self-assertive; modest. So then, what does the BIBLE tell us about this...thus about manipulation since it is based on pride?
18 Pride goeth before destruction,
and an haughty spirit before
19 Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.
20 He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.
Isaiah 57:14 And shall say, Cast ye
up, cast ye up,
prepare the way, take up the stumbling block out of the
way of my people.
15 For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.
16 For I will not contend for ever,
neither will I be always wroth: for the
spirit should fail before me, and the souls which I have made. (you want the Lord's blessing in your life? Be humble)
9: Have ye forgotten the
wickedness of your fathers, and the wickedness of the kings of Judah, and the
wickedness of their wives, and your own wickedness, and the
wickedness of your wives, which they have committed in the land of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem?
10: They are not humbled even unto this day, neither have they feared, nor walked in my law, nor in my statutes, that I set before you and before your fathers.
11: Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Behold, I will set my face against you for evil, and to cut off all Judah
Matthew 23:11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
12 And whosoever shall exalt himself
shall be abased; and he that shall humble
himself shall be exalted.
13 But woe unto you, scribes and
Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the
kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
James 4:5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
1 Peter 5:4 And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away.
5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
We now have the problem.
What then is the solution?
Is it not hard to humble ourselves? Is
it not true that when we think we have
obtained humility we no longer have it? Sort of like saying I am humble and proud of it? Since pride (I am not referring to self esteem) but pride.. a false opinion of one's self is SIN... would not the use of 1 John 1:9 be in order. Remember however that if we go the other way to far...if we debase ourselves too much and
feel we are no good to anyone..THAT is SIN too so back to this verse:1 John 19 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us
our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. And folks the BEST cure for my pride is found in:
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man,
he humbled himself, and became obedient unto
death, even the death of the cross.
9 Wherefore God also hath highly
exalted him, and given him a name which is
10 That at the name of Jesus every
knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things
in earth, and things under the earth;
11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
My friend..do your knees bow to the
Lord in humble adoration? To confess that HE is LORD and to TRUST HIM for your
salvation if you have not done so already?
Someday EVERY knee SHALL BOW...do it today while it is YOUR CHOICE.
Remember, the LORD is always only a
Need/greed and Manipulating GOD!
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
We as Christians count on that verse...we cling to this promise. However, can we not use it at times to try to manipulate GOD?
A long time ago in a state far away
(Texas) ...my children were attending
school and of course it was a necessity for them to have lunch. Lunch costs $1.00 per day. I often gave them $5.00 on Monday to purchase lunch for the week since
they could pay in advance. Once one of them bought lunch for Monday only and used the rest for some "wants" read that greed....Yes God has promised us to meet all our NEEDS but so often we confuse needs with our GREEDS. Anyway...back to the
story. Lunch IS a need for a child in school. Anyone would agree with that and as his dad, it was my responsibility to provide for those needs..BUT WAIT... were not
his needs provided for that Monday? If he bought "wants" instead of using the money as instructed was it my responsibility to give him MORE money for Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday? Would I be seen as a "bad" parent if I did not give him more money? Folks, I think you see the picture here. In the above, the answer would not be in "giving" more money but in allowing more "work"... to give him more chores to do at home so that he could earn more money to be used for lunch.
You see, the Bible tells us a lot
about STEWARDSHIP. (If anyone would like more on this aspect, let me know)
Stewardship is the wise use of the things God gives us. It is not only about
money but about other things...including our time. God does promise to meet our
Needs...He has been so wonderful in meeting mine..even when
I had turned my back on HIM...HE still met my needs and I know it was HIM doing it.
Most of the time He meets my needs by
giving more overtime at work even when there was little being offered. He has
seldom used a "silver platter". We need to be wise
stewards. To use the things He has given us for the use He intended. This includes PEOPLE! He has given us our wives, our husbands. If we try to control or manipulate them into doing what WE want...is that not misusing what He has given us?
What about our CHILDREN? When we do not bring them up in the Lord...that is the worst type of misuse of what God has given us that I personally can think of and yet I am guilty as charged as I often did not do this to "keep peace in the family" My children often "heard" what I believed but far too often they did not SEE what I believed. One of my sons IS a Christian although he is not serving HIM now. The other is not.
When a husband does not take the leadership role in the home is he being a wise steward? When a wife does not let him..is she being a wise steward? Again, as has been said many times, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. To not do so it to misuse what God has given us. A wife is to submit to her husband. To not do so is to misuse what God has given you. However a wife can not make her husband love her. It has to be given. A husband can not force submission. It has to be offered.
We have to do OUR part even if the other does not do their part. We are only called to be wise stewards of what WE have been given. I am not called to be accountable for what God has given you. The bottom line and the original purpose for this post is to ask us each to examine ourselves once again...to see if there is a chance that we many even have tried to manipulate God. Are we using the resources HE has given us for the reason He gave them to us? Or are we misusing them and then going back to get our "needs" met when He has already provided for them? In short...are you using the lunch money He gave on Monday to get lunch for the week? This message is not just about money...and I had no one in mind when writing it. I confess that there have been many areas I have not been a wise steward.
It is my intention to correct any areas I am lacking in now. It is also my firm believe that this club can not advance and be all God wants it to be until the leadership is all they need to be in the Lord. Every message I have posted in this club... I have taken a double portion for myself. It is my commitment to you that I will not ask you to do or take you places I am not willing to go or do myself.
DADDY, please help us...help ME to be
a wise steward for what YOU have given us...help me especially to be a wise
steward in THIS club..to do what YOU have asked me to do and only that to help
lead your people in the direction they should go. Help us only to point to YOU.
DADDY there are so many hurting people.
Please help us to be able to give them the comfort You have given us. DADDY, we ask also to show us where this club needs to be posted to bring those that may
not know you here so they may first of all find out how much YOU really LOVE them and then to heal their hearts and their spirits in the name of our LORD JESUS
CHRIST...the LAMB of GOD that takes away the sin of the world. Amen.
TRUST NOUN: Firm reliance on the
integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; One in which confidence
is placed; Reliance on something in the future; hope. VERB: Inflected forms:
trust·ed, trust·ing, trusts. INTRANSITIVE & VERB: 1. To have or place reliance;
depend: "Trust in the Lord. Trust to destiny." 2. To be confident; hope.
TRANSITIVE & VERB: 1. To have or place confidence in; depend
on. 2. To expect with assurance; assume: "I trust
that you will be on time." 3. To believe: "I trust
what you say." 4. To place in the care of another;
entrust. 5. To grant discretion to confidently: "Can I
trust them with the boat?" SYNONYMS: trust, faith, confidence, reliance, dependence.
These nouns denote a feeling of
certainty that a person or thing will not fail. Trust implies depth and
assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence: Faith
connotes unquestioning, often emotionally charged
belief: “Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine” (Peter M. Latham).
“Often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true” (William James). Confidence, which suggests less
emotional intensity, frequently implies stronger grounds for assurance: “Confidence is a plant of slow growth in an aged bosom: youth is the season of credulity”
(William Pitt). Reliance connotes a confident and trustful commitment to another: “What reliance could they place on the protection of a prince so recently their enemy?” (William Hickling Prescott).
Dependence suggests reliance on the
help or support of another to whom one is
often subordinate: “I fared like a distressed Prince who calls in a powerful Neighbor to his Aid . . . when I had once called him in, I could not subsist
without Dependence on him” (Richard Steele). Other Synonyms: care, rely The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Third Edition. 1996.
Trust is one of the most important
parts of a successful marriage. Actually, it is essential to any relationship.
This post is being linked to the Control and
manipulation posts because they are very closely linked. We often want to control and manipulate because we do not have trust in them. Often our lack of trust in our
husband, our wife comes from a lack of trust in ourselves.
One of the greatest fears in men and women is that their spouse will find someone else. To tell you the truth, I am not 100% sure where I am going with this
post...it has already taken a turn I had not planned on but I so much want it to be God and not me...but as I was writing this..The thought of self esteem hit so
hard. People who have been abuse have low self-esteem. However, people who are abusive also have low self-esteem also, perhaps much lower then their victims.
Abuse is their attempt at feeling as
if they are important. They WANT so much for someone to listen to them...to
care. Is not this what we all want? Too often we do not see our own faults. When
we do, we often feel we are justified in them. After all if our wife did not do
what she did...I would not have to do this...she "made" me do it. If my husband
only......He "made" me do it. Folks is it not time we each took personal
responsibility for OUR part in any problems instead of passing
blame? Is this not what the Psalmist did when he said Search ME oh Lord..?How often do we say Search my wife, search my husband...and help them to see what
they are doing to "ME"?
TRUST...we have seen what it means above. Why then do we not trust each other as we once did? Could it be something we have done to destroy that trust? We often feel no one trusts us. How often have we lied to our boss.... I can not come in today
because....(OUCH this is hitting home) How often have we lied to our children? What then makes us think our spouse will not feel we lie to them when they know this?
What stops our children from doing it
when they see how easy we do it? Think for a moment...about that person you have
said never can tell the truth if his life
depended on it... What would it take for him/her to reestablish your TRUST? Now the hard part...think about your husband, your wife. If they have been unfaithful to you.... What would it take for them to reestablish your trust? If "you" have been unfaithful to them.... What should it take to reestablish their trust?
Remember also...emotional unfaithfulness is as sinful as physical unfaithfulness. The only positive part is that at least you will not bring home some diseases, but the Word of God indicates anytime we receive sexual gratification from someone other then our husband or wife.... It is SIN. It is being unfaithful to our
spouse. TRUST...something it takes a long time to obtain but such a short time to destroy. Is there trust in your relationship?
If there is, nurture it. If not, sit
down with your husband or wife and discuss what it will take to reestablish
trust. Keep in mind that if it was you that
destroyed the trust...it will take hard work and time on your part to reestablish trust. But the effort will be worth it. Often trust is lost because somewhere along
the line intimacy was lost. I am not referring to the physical part but the emotional and spiritual part. This will be a topic I will take up soon....how to
reestablish lost intimacy in your marriage. This is not quite what I planned in this topic but I do pray it is more of what the Lord wanted to be posted...after all HE knows your needs better then do I.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
Proverbs 16:20 He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.
Proverbs 28:25 He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat.
Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man
bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in
the LORD shall be safe.
Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in
perfect peace, whose mind is stayed
on thee: because he trusteth in thee. TRUST...if you have lost it ... go to the one who is always trustworthy.
Lean on the Lord and He will help you
reestablish trust in your relationship but remember...we need to do it on HIS
terms...ahh but it is WORTH the effort!
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month