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The hidden half of domestic violence

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June is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Shattered Men and Battered Husband Support declared June as Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month.

Although most are aware that October has traditionally been recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it is evident that the focus is always on women as victims and men as the abuser. Shattered Men and Battered Husbands felt we needed to remove battered men from the pack in order to help bring awareness to the hidden half  of the domestic abuse victims.

Abuse is not only physical. verbal or emotional that is done one one to each other.  Accusing someone of a crime you know they did not do is also abuse. Calling the police to report you have been abused when you have not is abuse.  Keeping  a parent from seeing their children is abuse not only to that parent, it is also abuse to the children.

As most people know, there are laws prohibiting abuse of a spouse, or a child...but did you know that currently, battered MEN take a backseat?

How can a tiny woman of her stature and her stance abuse you, a six foot, whatever, MAN? That question is one that curls my toes, and springs me back to life, even on the most boring and mundane of days...because that little woman is USUALLY the very one that is feared...accepted, protected, and regretfully allowed to abuse the man that was so willing to protect her in the beginning of a relationship, creating a bond that will be hard to sever no matter what she does to him in her anger.

Today, in all of society, men are being abused, most are pushed by society to accept it, not speak of it, sweep it under the proverbial carpet...some find advocacy, and support groups, and some still are receiving harsh blows of "reality" from family court, justices, and judges granting the WOMAN a restraint when it is the man that needs them. Crying quietly and unseen in rooms locked against these violent onslaughts, because if they come out of them, they could be falsely accused, men are the usual suspect when 911 is dialed, men are arrested on sight.

We implore that you get this out to every person you know...June is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

In June, summer vacation starts for most children in the U.S. and abroad, statistics on child abuse, tend to spike during this time. Mother's are the current and prior, main perpetrator of abuse in the U.S. (According to the Department of Social and Health Services)... while during this time, there is also a spike in denial of visitation throughout the land, for the statistic minority, the non custodial father. There are those out there that say women appear to abuse more often, because they are the primary caretaker....hmmmm, wouldn't it make sense then to presume that both mother and father have shared custody in every state? That would surely lower those stats on abusive mothers perhaps?

In June, father's day comes and goes, usually with the average parenting plan giving six to eight weeks in the summer, because mom is custodial parent, and it is in the best interests of the children to have stability in their lives...but, what if mom decides she does not want to share when dad's time comes around? If mom fails to bring the child to a pick up site or does not answer the door, can dad call the authorities? No, that is a civil case. What if dad lives out of state? It is still a civil case. What does dad do now? He can file for a contempt hearing...although the SOONEST he can get this heard is two weeks from the date of filing. But wait....didn't it say that all parties are to use mediation to avoid congesting the courts, in the parenting plan? Why yes, it get a mediation hearing, the average wait time is three months...NINETY DAYS, the whole summer...and what if mom needs an attorney? They can continue, and continue and continue, until the school year comes around...and oops, best interests of the child laws say that Jr. should not be ripped out of his established routine...sorry dad

In June, an abusive parent's frustration rise, and they are given free reign to school, no teachers to turn it in if they suspect abuse. Hidden family secrets come out since children are not able to tell anyone. Children are not going to say anything about mom tossing dad over a sofa or knocking him into a wall. In June, the rate of abuse reporting takes a HUGE dip compared to the amount of abuse taking place. In June, this silent destroyer of families, is at its peak. In June, when men need us most, no one is around to hear the cries, they are able to work more due to increased daylight. Production is high, but abusive women are still home, feeling the burden of their conscience, the burden of single parenting during the day, and reflexively are abusing men more and more and more along with their children.

June is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Tami Pepperman

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27 April, 2009