The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
(From My Heart t o Yours)
I find myself once again, sitting at
this pc, knowing what I want to
say, but not knowing how to say it. Tomorrow night at 11:30 PM,
Shattered Men will be five years old. Where does the time go? Many
many tears have been shed during this time. Some even now.
Many have come here in hopelessness and despair. I pray that they
have found what I want to do tonight....to give hope where none can
be seen. The last five years have not been easy ones. There have been
many attempts to literally destroy this ministry. Some of those who
made these attempts are now supporting this ministry. You see, often
when one is in despair, they will attack anything that comes near
We have been called a cult (and I guess I am the cult leader) Odd is
it not that this ministry ALWAYS points to the ONLY person that can
really do something....JESUS CHRIST. We have seen splits and attempts
to water this ministry down. Some told me they would only come if we
wanted them to clean the place up. Others wanted us to hold each
and everyone that came here to the standards of the High priest when
they were about to enter the Holy of Holies. I can not and will not
do that. I do strongly believe we can only approach God just as we
are. We can never clean up good enough to meet HIS requirements.
That is why we have...JESUS. HE became sin for us so that we could
meet the requirement.
Several times during these five years, the leadership of SM have
encountered real demons and we have seen people set free from these
demons. I have been cussed out and threatened but the only way I
could lock and engage with these demons, is by knowing without a
doubt my position in Christ. Of course, this also applies to the
others in leadership here.
I remember well the night this group was founded. I had been on the
opposite side of this issue for so long, I wanted to start being a
part of the solution, and not a part of the problem. A good friend
of mine suggested the name Shattered Men and I knew that was the name
God wanted. I expected perhaps 50 members but as you can see, God
has blessed this ministry.
Shortly after Shattered Men was founded, we made a web site. We had
about 25 pages when someone hacked into the web site and destroyed
it. The entire site was deleted. Still, what satan intended for
evil, God used for good. The web site has grown to over 750 pages.
Over 130 of these pages are messages on it that were written for this
group alone...messages to bring hope, to bring healing but most of
all, to point to the nail scarred hands.
We have had some post attacks about this group and some about me
personally. Even if the person were moderated (that is their post
had to be approved) I assure you, each and every attack was posted
and they are still here. Truth has nothing to hide. If any of these
attacks were truthful, I need to heed it and repent. If not, we need
not worry, because it is not my problem. These attacks have seldom
disturbed me. God's Word tells us to humble ourselves in His sight
and HE will lift us up. It works!
There are some things that do bother me. One has only to look over
the post from 5 year ago until yesterday to see the literally
hundreds....no thousands of post that have been written either by
shattered people or on their behave. Most men like to "fix"
problems. When we are told the car is making a funny sound, we go
and fix it. If told the door squeaks, we oil it. Sometimes it drives
our wives crazy when they want to discuss a problem and before they
are half through, we are "fixing" it. It is often hard for us to
realize, sometimes they only need to talk about it and they do not
expect us to really "DO" anything.
I have this problem here. I want to DO something to fix the
problem. In reality, we can not "do" anything to "fix" most of these
problem. Many have posted about horrible abuse. Others about
needing jobs and running out of funds. Oh yes, at times I wish I
were a multimillionaire so I could meet these needs but believe me.
God has shown me that that is not what is needed. If I did have the
means to do that and I did, I would be causing more damage then I
would resolve. You see, one song says it all,
Andre Crouch wrote it best in a song… I've had many tears and
sorrows. I've had questions for tomorrow. There've been times I
didn't know right from wrong! But in every situation, God gave
blessed consolation that my trials come to only make me strong.
Through it all; through it all; I've learned to trust in Jesus. I've
learned to trust in God. Through it all; through it all; I've learned
to depend upon God's word.
'I thank God for the mountains, And I thank him for the valleys, And
I thank him for the storms he's brought me through.
For if I had never had a problem,
I would never know that God could solve them, And I would never know
what faith in his word could do. Through it all I've learned to trust
in Jesus.' I've learned to depend upon God's word.
Many here have chronic and very serious physical illness. What do we
say to those in chronic pain? What do we say to those who have lost
their children? To those who want so desperately to make a marriage
work because they do believe and want to be the husband or wife God
wants them to be? What do we say to the man or woman whose spouse
has walked out on them?
Many times I have sat down at the pc to reply to just these
things. "I" have often started to reply but no words came to mind. I
had to rely on what God told Jeremiah "and the Lord said unto
me, "behold I have put my words in thy mouth"
Sometimes, all we can do and often it is the best thing we can do, is
to sit with people a spell and help them cry. Just knowing they are
not alone often helps far more then anything else.
Many times we have seen post that wonder where God was or is.
Many times I have had people talk to me and express that they know
they are doing things God states HE detests and they wonder why they
do not have HIS blessings. Just think of this my friends. God loves
each and every one of us so much, but if we wonder why we do not feel
HIS presence at times. we need to remember that God forsake HIS own
SON when Jesus was nailed to a cross. YOU see, at that moment Jesus
cried out....MY GOD....MY GOD....WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME....HE was
carrying ALL of our sin upon HIS shoulders. GOD had to forsake HIM
because this IS the price for SIN. Think of it...God hates sin so
much that HE had to turn His back on JESUS when Jesus bore our sin.
How can God bless us if we willfully sin or have known unconfessed
sin? Sin such as bitterness, unforgiveness? Sin such as jealousy,
revenge or addictions? OH if we trusted Christ for salvation, God
has not abandoned us but HE sure can not bless us.
What do we do in these cases? REPENT...this means turn from that sin
and change our course. 1 John 1:9 tells us to confess it to God and
admit we are wrong.
If you have never trusted Christ for payment for your sin, this is
how to do so:
FIVE Years. We have seen the LORD work in wondrous ways in these
five years. We have seen many that were ready to take their own life
find the hope to carry on. Some of those did not know the LORD but
they found Him here in Shattered Men.
Many of you have been an important part in showing the LOVE that
Jesus has for us through you. In the last five years, I have seen
many of you be reborn into the Lord's family and grow to maturity in
the LORD. I have seen some of you who would not allow anyone past
the walls you had erected to keep anyone and everyone out pull down
those walls and establish relationships. I have seen some of you
withstand the violation of trust when you have allowed others in and
had them turn away after promises of being a "mom or dad" to you.
I know that this could only have happened because you have found that
Jesus is a never failing friend and that in spite of anything
happening in our life..HE will be there! I also trust that Shattered
Men has played a part in this growth by pointing to the nailed
In the last five years, we have seen many come and even be a major
part of this ministry but just as Paul and Barnabas had a
sharp "contention" between them and they each went their separate
ways, so have some that have been here in Shattered Men. We have
often said there is seldom a conflict between two adults where they
both do not add to the conflict. This is true in these areas also.
Conflict does not always mean that one was wrong and the other
right. Sometimes both can be wrong, and at other times both can be
right. Sometimes conflict will actually bring growth. I have seen
some conflicts bring Spiritual growth on both sides of the conflict.
For those who were here during this time. pray for those that have
left. Pray for God's blessings on them and any ministry they may
In the last five years much has happened. There has been times of
discouragement. God has always brought encouragement at the right
moment. Just when I had thought that this ministry was just spinning
its wheels, I would get several messages with people telling me that
they knew this ministry was helping far more then we realized. I
think some of the best times were in our chats. We have never tried
to keep anyone out of them and we have had several come to our chats
for the sole purpose of destroying them. God has always placed the
right people in those chats to show HIS love to these bitter angry
people. Because of this, almost every one of them have in turn
trusted Christ for salvation.
Some have questioned us for allowing some of the profanity that we do
in some post. It is important to realize that this is not a church,
it is a rescue mission and we will have many that come here very
angry and they need to be able to express themselves in ways they are
comfortable. Because they can do that here, I have seen many of
these men and women have these wounds healed and then be able to
forgive and move on.
Others have questioned why we focus mostly on men. Some have
questioned having women in a group such as this. Others wanted to
water it down to be gender neutral. God had a design for this group
and we have stuck to that design. You see, God is not a respecter of
persons or gender. He loves each of us very much and it is HIS plan
for men and women to compliment each other and work together. This
is just what HE has been doing in Shattered Men.
I have seen many men and women come here very bitter at the other
gender, and I have seen this bitterness melt away and real
understanding for the other and I have seen compassion developed
where there was hate. This would not happen if we excluded one or
the other. Yet, we know God's ways are not our ways. He has
ordained me to reach out to men, yet I actually work with women more
then I do men. I do not find this odd. I find that it is just like
God to work this way and I am positive that by doing this, we
actually reach more men then we could otherwise. An example of this
is that I know that one of our ladies takes the Shattered Men
business cards to many around her including some women's shelters to
share this ministry with others. Each time one of YOU shares this
ministry, it makes it that much easier to reach those who need it.
We can not reach those who do not know about us.
In the last five years, many things have occurred I never thought
would have. Although I hate to write (yea I know many of you are
thinking...yea right) I have written a book and I have written
almost 150 messages for this group...messages of hope. In the last
year, I have even been ordained and this did accomplish a desire I
had as a teenager. To be an evangelist. God has answered that
pray. It was also not surprising to me that some sought to have this
ordination removed even on the day I got it. In reality, it is GOD
who ordains so that piece of paper would not enable me to do what I
do nor would the lack of it stop me. Although I have found myself
using "pastor" more on official letters and on a new business card we
are getting, I would still rather be called ken because I am just an
ordinary person. In reality, it is not me that makes Shattered Men
great. It is first of all, the LORD and then it is each of YOU!
Our members make this ministry great.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the
What is the vision of Shattered Men for the next five years should
the LORD tarry.
I would like to see Shattered Men known in our churches and in our
homes. In just the last month, I have seen several pastors in need
of this ministry. We can not help those who do not know about us.
I have a vision of being able to see a real physical growth for
us...with offices in areas where the need is great.
I have a vision of being able to offer workshops on the dynamics of
abuse and the solution of abuse. A right relationship with the
I would like to see us have a network of those who will write to
their state and federal lawmakers to educate them that abuse is
gender neutral and encourage passing laws that are just and that will
protect everyone...especially our children.
I would like to be able to offer more real help and not just a
listening ear. It is my prayer that we can have more pastors, social
workers, lawyers and counselors join us in Shattered Men so we can
point to people in each area that can help.
I know some of this is a tall order but guess what...we have a MIGHTY
I would like to hear from YOU...
I would like to hear from you about how Shattered Men has helped you
(NOT how I have helped….but how this ministry has helped)
What would YOU like to see in Shattered Men? What are your visions?
and how can we do a better job then we have in the last five years?
(please click above to vote for this site)
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month