The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
It is on our televisions. We read it in our magazines. We see it as we drive down the street on billboards and it is even in the cartoons our children read and watch. We joke about it and often justify it by saying it is harmless and we do not mean anything by it.
What is it? It is "dirty talk". No I am not talking about the stain on our cloths or that ring around the bathtub. I am talking about those things we say and here that have double innuendos or double meaning. We can tell that we got the point across when we see someone blush. We can tell if a double meaning was intended by the smirk we see so often on the face of one saying it. I am not talking about things one may say innocently and then realize that there may be a hidden meaning to it. I am talking about the willful dirty talk we so often hear....or even say in our everyday conversations. Although I do like to give illustrations to show what I am talking about in most of my messages, I can not do so in this one or I would be guilty of ..dirty talk. I am also very sure that if this shoe fits...the people the shoe does fit will know it .
I have had this topic pending for a few months. I kept going back to it and thinking I need to finish this but never felt the urgency to do so. I do today. I have attempted to write this three times and accidentally deleted it twice, yet I do feel that GOD wants this written today.
Many of us have had or do have very powerful strongholds in our lives. One major stronghold is sexual sin. These strongholds are made stronger by hiding it. Hidden sin does build powerful strongholds. The only way to pull them down is to expose them to the light of God's Word. Hidden sin only results in more sin. You see, if we hide it, satan tells us that if we were Christians we would not do that...event though he has already told us that everyone does it and no one will know. (odd is it not that satan is the one that makes sure our hidden sin is revealed in the ways it will do the most damage) I also need to remind each of us that sexual sin always starts out simple....often with dirty talk. You see, the human sex drive is very powerful. Often we will not flat out start "cybering" with someone but we may well start out with innocent "dirty talk" and if that is returned and they respond with it in return, we may advance to more things. Just like when two teenagers are dating, a hug can lead to a kiss which can lead to....well I am sure you get the message.
You may be asking why I feel the urgency to get this message out? Folks there is always a hidden cost to sin and we can never afford this hidden cost. Dirty talk is sin because it baits us to go on further. Marriages and lives have been destroyed with it. You see, yesterday I was contacted by the husband of a member of Shattered Men. (yes we have many women in this group) He was concerned because he found that his wife was having inappropriate conversations with someone on the internet. The worse part is that this person is a pastor. Although I am honored that after this he felt comfortable enough to contact me to talk about it, I am burdened because I know the damage this can and does do. In the last five years I have seen many that have been shattered by sexual sin and most of it started with dirty talk.
Although I do not always state it, I too am an ordained pastor and I know that we do have a higher accountability. The woman in question here has taken responsibility for her actions in this and she has repented. I will be working with both her and her husband to get their marriage back on track. This being said, I have often heard of those that did engage in this activity try not to take responsibility. They said "it was not me...it was the other person's fault. I can give an example of this. Last week a talk show host...Bill O'Rilly was accused of sexual harassment. Part of this charge is that the accuser said he engaged in "phone sex" with her. I ask how can this happen? If this was not mutual. there would have been a very easy solution. One CLICK and it would have ended. All one has to do to stop it is to HANG UP!
I have had women contact me on the messenger and ask if I wanted to see a picture of them topless or have other statements made that indicate that they wanted to have...dirty talk. The solution...I send them a link to the plan of salvation. The First Step to Better Relationship http://www.shatterdmen.com/first_step.htm and tell them unless they want to discuss Jesus...this conversation is OVER!
Dirty talk...why is it wrong? Why is it sin? Anything that stirs up "passion" of a sexual nature....or that will lead to it is wrong unless it is from ones own husband or wife. Let me say it another way. Sexual gratification received from someone other then ones own spouse...IS SIN!!!!
I have had another woman confess that she was cybering and I did contact the other person to remind him of what I am saying here also. (people, please know that this problem is not restricted to men nor women....it is a human problem. I have found many women as guilty of internet sex as I have found men. Remember even on the internet it takes two to tangle.) I will also be contacting this pastor. My reason is not to condemn or destroy. It is to restore.
2 Corinthians 5
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
Often if we have gone astray from the LORD...if we are not as close as we once were, others can see it before we can. If we see a brother or sister that has strayed, we need to carefully and lovingly remind them that they need to return to their first love but we need to do it without condemnation. I am in no way trying to indicate that I am a super saint in this because I am far from it. I am an ordinary person trying to point to Jesus. A little over 5 years ago...I was there. I know the damage it causes. I was in several secular groups I can not even say the names of now. (you can read about it in Ken's Story and this will tell you how I got to be doing what I am doing now) I do not want to take any chance that I could go back there. I love my wife and I will not do anything that would hurt her. Most of all, I love my JESUS and I know how much it would hurt HIM. HE DIED for those sins.
Dirty talk. It does not have to be sexual innuendos. It is anything that causes another to stumble. Gossip is dirty talk as is back biting.
Lets look at what God's Word says about this:
1 Be ye
therefore followers of God, as dear children;
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
Please remember that God is not talking about clean jokes. He wants us to enjoy life and to have fun. He does not want us to do so at the expense of others or that could cause another to stumble and fall away from Him or to possibility think that Christians are no different then the world so they are not drawn to God. We are told to be separated and to come out from among them.
2 for you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the LORD has chosen you to be his treasured possession.
GOD's kids do have a higher accountablity! We are children of the King of Kings and He sure does not want HIS kids slumming it .
13 Looking for
that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour
14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
1 Peter 2
9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
10 Out of the
same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought
not so to be.
Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?
12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.
13 Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
Christians are not perfect, but if we willfully
engage in inappropriate conversations, there is a problem. We certainly will not
be doing the things that please the LORD and the LORD can not bless us if we
willfully do this.
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.
34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
To keep this shorter then it could be, please look at:
The Pleasure of SIN (#50)
The Hidden Cost...of SIN! (#33)
What is Chasing You? (#79)
shhhhh (got some Gossip....) (#8)
Pitchfork...or Catchers Mitt Religion?? (# 9)
Ken's Story (#104)
For the post that the above are not "hot links" for, they can all be found here:
Most important, I said earlier in this message that God's kids do have a higher accountability. I am glad that that is the case because we also have a much higher award waiting for us. It is eternal life. If you are not certain that YOU have eternal life,. please check this page: If it is not a hot link here, it is at the top of each page on the Shattered Men web site. It is the MOST IMPORTANT message any of us can ever give.
How to have eternal life
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month