terdShat terd
Men
The hidden half of domestic violence
Dave's Story
I was told to look on the internet for help and advice
about a year ago. Our problems started in 1993 when my EX ran away with my son
to Manchester about 150 miles away from where I live. I tried using solicitors
and told them in the very beginning that my EX would not be able to cope with
looking after my son. I was given contact but it was reduced every time I went
to court. My EX made endless claims about both me and my son that no one ever
checked to see if what she had said was true or not. After 7 years of failed
contact and having lost all contact with my son for over 2 years, I had a call
from my old solicitor saying my EX had contacted them asking for me to contact
her. Without knowing my circumstances she then said take him or I will put him
in care. Our old solicitors files will confirm every thing I have said but no
one is interested in looking . It now turns out that every time I was concerned
about my EX and her care of my son I was right. I tried twice to have my son put
on the at risk register but that was never done. When my son came to live with
me the social services came to see me stating that it was not the worst case
they had dealt with because my son was not dead. I was only allowed to see my
sons old school records that showed he had moved school on average every 6
months and all showed classic tell tail signs that he was unhappy and listed
many problems. The social services in Salford had a case conference and made 6
recommendations about his mothers care but sadly it seems because she moved
around so much none of these recommendations were followed though. I was also
told that from the age of 4 until 11 years old my EX had also made my son take
Ritalin which was only stopped after his growth had been noticed had stopped. It
was the doctors who eventually told my EX she was not allowed any more that was
just before she gave him away. We was told at the time that she could possibly
be charged with abandonment but nothing was done. No one ever listened or helped
us. Since then my son has lived with me and despite every thing she had done we
never stopped her having contact with my son. None of us ever needed a solicitor
and all was ok until she was asked to help because the mother of my other 2
children after having an affair she through us out and we were made homeless. I
tried again with solicitors and even protested out side my old house but was
sentenced to 40 days in prison despite my EX stopping me seeing my other 2
children. While I was in prison it was the school holidays and my son went to
stay with his mother. But the day before I was released she applied for
residence. I wrote to the court and told the judge I had already been given
residence and that my son was only on a school holiday and wanted to return home
to his dad but this was ignored. On the day of realise I went to my local
court and was most surprised to find Judge Altman and the Clark of the court
both waiting for me to arrive in the main entrance, who said we know all about
it. Judge Altman said I will called the Law society myself and get you a
solicitor but he never did. The court never asked my son and ignored every thing
we told them and made an interim order that my son stayed with my EX . My son
did not want this and did not know any thing about it, When I rang my son my EX
attacked him and my son ran away . My son called 999 but the police returned him
to his mother and told me if I came and got him as he wanted I would be
arrested. In the end my son ran away from his mother but not before she had
attacked him again and got 3 trains back to his dad. My Ex knew where he was
because we ran her and told her but after 2 days she then told the police I had
harassed her and now again despite every thing she has done no one has
questioned her and I am the one being prosecuted for a 40 minute phone call I
made to her mobile and a few E-Mails I sent to her. The police have ignored
every thing I have told them even after doing 2 -45 minute police interview
tapes answering all their questions they have ignored every thing she has done,
ignored my statement and my sons statement and have not questioned her .I
thought some one on these mailing lists would be able to help us but again find
there is no help. I was given court ordered contact to see my other 2 children
and was given 2 hours every 2 weeks and out of the last 10 weeks I have only
been allowed to see 1 of my other 2 children twice out of the last 5 visits and
again no one cares .My son says what's the point dad they only ever listen to
women and don't care about us. I have tried to find someone to help us but
failed. My old solicitors refuse to give me my old files, the social service
refuse to give us a copy of my sons social services file and again we fear the
worst. We are due in court on the
9/10/6/2003 in Huddersfield charged with harassment. Mark Harrison's case
history is very sad but it is not the worst case by a long way but as usual no
one ever listens. Our case is over 11 years and most of it is all documented in
our old solicitors files but who cares......
My SWORN STATEMENT
Before my dad was due to go to court we asked my mum to help him. All he asked
for was a letter that said she was sorry for stopping contact over the years she
didn't reply to me, but she did ring my dad saying she was not going to help and
leave her out of this problem with Joanne as she was worried about what people
would think of her.
On 12/8/02 dad went to court to see if he can have contact with my two younger
brothers, but as usual the court did not listen to my dad, in fact they did the
complete opposite they made things worse, they put my dad in to prison I was not
aware of this until my mum told me. Later on in the week my mum said I had to go
back to the flat to get some clothes and said to bring my big TV back because
she only had a small TV .This she asked me lots of times but I said no because I
was going to go home soon.
When Dad was in prison my mum went to court and got an interim resistant order
what I did not know about and I did not want and I told them both every day that
I did not want to stay there but no one listened to me even the police did not
listen they just ignored me, I was only aware of this order when I wanted to go
home and I got told I was only allowed to ring and text my dad, I was not
allowed to see my dad or get or receive e- mails. I thought this was silly
because I was only supposed to go to my mum's for the summer holidays instead I
had to stay there against my will. on
14/10/02 my e-mail account stopped working, I thought this was strange because I
had my Own e-mail account with my Own password and no one else was allowed on it
but David Nightingale changed my password so I could not e-mail my dad or any
one to find out what was going on. I texted my dad saying the computer was not
working so he texted back saying that he would send me some stamps so I could
write to him, but my mum said I was not allowed anything from my dad.
The next day mum said I was not allowed to ring my dad any more but I ignored
her, later on in the day I was talking to my dad when my mum saw me and told me
to get off the phone and I said no and that is when she started shouting and she
started getting more and more aggressive towards me and started to push me and
then in a burst of anger and whacked my phone out of my hands and grabbed my
throat and then I went out of the house because I was very angry. I went to the
local park and rang my dad to see what I should do my dad said ring 999 and
explained what had happened, I told the police what had happened and I wanted to
make a written complaint against my mum, but the police said I was being stupid.
I rang them again and they said they have wrote it down and they will put it on
record, but they said they will come round later to see if I was ok, but they
never came , as usual the police did not listen to me and they have done nothing
to help me. And because I kept ringing the police they said they will arrest me
for making false allegations and wasting police time, that shows the system does
not work! When I was taken back to my mums she said if I did go out of the house
or try to go home she would have me put into a young offenders home and have an
injunction so my dad could not see me. Because my dad rang my mum to ask if she
had sorted everything out, but my mum reported to the police that my dad was
harassing her so the police arrested my dad with out having any reason to, I
thought this was unfair because they had no right to arrest my dad, the evidence
they had was a load of rubbish because the charge of ringing David nightingale
was a load of crap because how can you be on a phone for over 40 minuets, how is
that harassing, if he did not like what my dad was saying he could of put the
phone down! It is the same for my mum she could of bared his e-mail but she did
not
So that is not harassment she did not even send an e-mail back saying stop
writing e-mails, and because my mum did not write one back my dad did not know
if Dave was getting them so he carried on writing them!
On 02/10/02 my dad went to court to see if he can have residence of me, my dad
said some one will come and ask me where I wanted to live, but no one came dad,
said the CAF-CASS, social services and police should of all come and asked where
I wanted to live.
After my mum had spoken to the police she said the police said they had to take
my mobile phone off me, because my dad put my number on our privet web site, the
police said it was a danger to my health, I thought this was rubbish because it
is a privet site and any one who goes on it is in the wrong, so how can they use
that as a reason you take my phone off me, later on in that day my mum said
seeing as you will not let me have the phone the police will take it, I said I
will see about that and I said I was going out to see a girl, but I was actually
going home, my dad had sent some money up in the post and sent it to my friend
because if my dad sent it to my mum she would keep it because my mum said I was
not allowed anything from my dad, I went down the road to the local taxi company
and got a cab for £3 and ask him to go to the bus station in town when I got
there I rang my dad to say I was coming home, but when I tried to buy my ticket
the lady ask how old was I and I said 13 and the lady said I was not allowed on
the bus unless I was with an adult, because I thought I was going home I burst
into tears and rang my dad and I said I was not going to come home, so my dad
wanted to talk to the lady just to make shore that I could not go home another
way, when I had got off the phone from my dad the lady in the ticket shop said I
could try and go by train , but I said I did not know how to get there so the
lady took me a bit of the way and said it is just up the road, I was nearly
there when I got stuck because I did not know which road to take but a kind man
told me which way to go, when I got to the Train station I got a ticket and the
lady said how old am I and I said 16 just to make shore I was allowed on the
Train the lady thought I was older and sad if I had said I was 17 I would have
had to pay a lot more she said my Train will be here in about 25 minutes, so I
rang my dad up and said I was going to be home in about 2 hours, I was waiting
on platform one and a Train came when my one was so poster come but I tough it
was not mite because it said London and I wanted to go to Manchester Piccadilly
station and then Crewe and then to Milton Keynes after the Tran had gone it
started to ran so I went back in to the Tran station and sat down and the lady
how gave me my ticket said has the Tran what was out side gone and I said yes,
the lady said it was my Tran so we went and look up what time is the next Tran
coming, the lady said in about 45 mantis because a car had crashed on to the
Tran lines I said can I have a copy of the time table so I do not get off at the
range station, the lady said course you can have one, when I had got off the
Tran at Manchester I did not have to white for a long time for the Tran to go to
Crewe when I got off at Crewe I had a bit of trouble because my mum and Dave
Kept on ringing me to ask where I was I said I was in town, and my mum said I
had 15 minuets to get back home or I am going to be grounded for 3 weeks, about
25 minuets later I was getting off at Milton Keynes I rang my dad who was
already whiting for me out side the station, me and dad went to a friend house
to stay the night, and my dad said to ring my mum, so she could not say I
missing and to say that I was ok and that I wanted to live with my dad, she said
what ever make's you happy, but why me and my dad was talking to catch up on
what has happed my mum was on the phone saying that I was missing and sent the
police looking for me, because my mum had sent the police looking for me and my
dad we went to a caravan site because dads solicitors told dad to hide until
Monday and then ring them to see what was going on, Saturday night the
Huddersfield police rang dad on his mobile and said that they will not arrest
him and I had to go down to the police station to see if I was ok, dad said that
was fine but we will ring are solicitors to make shore that it was safe to go to
the police station and that my dad will not be arrest and I will not be taken
back to my mum's but, are solicitor rang us back up a couple of minuets later
saying that the police were lying and that they are going to arrest my dad is we
go there so I told my dad that we are not going to see the police, later on that
day I went to a different friends house because the police did not no where she
lived but my dad stayed at the other house later on that night the police came
and search the house dad went up stairs to hide the police did not see dad
hiding under the covers I do not no how the police missed him a big bump in the
middle of the bed. The next night the police came again and wanted to search the
house my dad got out of bed and went up stairs and hid under the bed my dad
could not get under the bed so the lithed the double bed as he got under he drop
the bed and it made a big bang and the police new he was in the house and then
arrested him, so the next day I went down to Colchester to see a human rights
solicitors at Colchester university, the solicitor told me that the police
should not be allowed to arrest my dad, because I came to my dad and my dad did
not come and get me, just as I was going my solicitor gave me a letter called a
notice to register interest it says i have the right in-law, because im 13 years
old, if I want to live with my dad I can! Later on that day my dad was let out
of the cell at Milton Keynes magistrate's court about half past 4.
Later on that night at half past 10, the police rang my dad on his mobile and
they said that whey wanted to talk to me, like most children I was asleep but my
dad said that we will go to Milton Keynes police station in the in the
afternoon, but the police did not wait they came at half past 8 morning to ask
me where I wanted to live I said I wanted to live with my dad, the police said
ok and then went, than me and my dad went shopping, went we got back home to are
surprise we found that my mum had gone to another court to get me back by lying
to Bradford county court by saying that I was unlawfully taken away, to get the
police to bring me back. My mum also says on the court order, that I rang my mum
the same day that I telephoned my mum and said that I am ok and that my dad like
said, but my mum still reported me missing, I don't understand how she can
report me missing because I told her, where I was, I sent a copy of my notice to
register interest to the court that my mum was going to and had here court case
thrown out, I have ask Huddersfield court to adjourn it to sort out all of are
problems that my mum has caused us!
Written by my son..
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month