The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
The Common Denominator
"Rag head" "Krout" "Pollock" "Wetback" "Redskin" "Nigger" "Spic" "the boy" or "the girl" "it"
Question: What do all these words have in common?
Answer: They are all words used to "dehumanize" people! You see, in order to abuse someone, most often we have to "dehumanize them first.
de·hu·man·ize: To deprive of human qualities such as individuality, compassion, or civility:
Each of us, no matter what our ethnic group, no matter what our religion, will have some sort of name given to us by others that will be one of these...common denominators.
If we recognize someone as being human, we will also have to recognize that they have...self worth, that they have value. This will further force us to remember that they too hurt, that they too have feelings and often others that do care what happens to them.
At times, these terms may be used out of necessity to accomplish a job one detest. In time of war, often the enemy is given these names to avoid the fact that each side is shooting at and killing HUMAN BEINGS! Far to often however, these terms are used out of hate and prejudice.
In the next few moments, we will explore these issues in the hopes that we will each learn to value each individual and recognize the value each of us have.
1: As we said earlier, in order to abuse or mistreat someone, we have to devalue them first. There is nothing in all of God's creation that has more value then a human being....any human being. As a result, we have to find someway to devalue them to "justify" mistreating them. We hear this often when we call someone an "animal" or say "they are not human" Odd is it not that in many areas they have laws against mistreating an animal but you can get away far easier with mistreating a person.
2: Dehumanizing someone is often a means to elevate one's self. If someone has been abused especially in early childhood, they often have a very low self worth if they have any at all. We will cover this more later. This brings up the "pecking order" This happens when a boss chews out someone, and that person since they can not "mouth off to the boss, will then chew out the supervisor who then yells at the worker who in turn goes home and yells at their spouse who then scolds the kids who in turn kicks the dog which then snaps at the cat
Often, those people on the low end of this pecking order will have no one else to take it out on.....but themselves. We have seen many that this applies to in the ministry of Shattered Men.
3: Those that have been dehumanized will often do drastic things to be noticed...to be ....loved. David Pelzer, author of: "A Child Called "IT" talks about some of this in his book. In his second book, "The Lost Boy" I find the subtitle very interesting...."A Foster Child's search for the LOVE of a Family" In these books, David reveals horrible abuse at the hands of his mother. Yet, many times he went back even after he was rescued because he wanted to know why. David wanted to know what he did wrong to cause her not to love him and he longed to hear those three words some of us can take for granted...I love you!
I have heard this same thing from many right here in Shattered Men. Many have wanted to be able to go back into the past to find out what they did to deserve to be abused as they were. Many later in life wanted to find their abusers to try to find out why and often hoping against all odds to hear those words..."I love you" along with "I am sorry for what I did" .
We need to remember that often abuse is learned behavior. If it is the only thing we know, we often will repeat it with our own children. As mentioned, often dehumanizing another is one way we seek to find value in ourselves, we will do it to our own children thus bringing to life God's declaration that the sins of the fathers will follow to the third generation. (I believe this can also follow mothers too as just as often this behavior is learned from them)
We can now see the problem but what is the answer? Well, there are several.
First and above all else, learn that YOU have immeasurable worth in the eyes of GOD!
Each human being has been created in the image of God...and this means....You!
thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Oh I know many of you will be saying "But....isn't this pride?" Doesn't pride come before a fall?"
Well, yes and no. You are thinking about Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall". but go on to verse 19: "Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud." It is not a matter of self esteem but a matter of pride. Pride in the sense that WE are better then others, that WE did it. If we keep in mind the basis for our self worth, our self esteem, we should feel great about who are are.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
Remember people, if we have trusted Jesus
Christ for salvation....we ARE children of the KING OF KINGS and believe
me...that ain't....JUNK! We are worthy...because GOD has declared us
worthy based upon the finished work of Jesus Christ.
The Common Denominator! As we have seen, this can be bad..but we can have a common denominator that is good. One thing that those who have found healing of often long standing past abuse have in common, is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. It is through HIS power that we could learn to forgive. It is by His grace we can find acceptance with the one it matters the most and it is by HIS mercy we have been adapted into HIS family to be joint heirs with Jesus Christ.
Do you feel like you are not worth much? You can gain immeasurable worth:
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up
You ever have people over you who tell you do do as they say and not as they do...they have double standards? Well, there are no double standards here. Jesus has not asked us to do anything HE was not and did not do....
. Philippians 2
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
Lord we come to YOU today asking for YOU to touch each one reading this message. Help them to find true worthy in YOU...in being Your child. We know there will be many reading this that will be angry. That will although they will not admit it, know we hit the nail on the head...not because of what I said. but because of YOU! Lord we ask that they seek You for healing of these scars that have been in place for far too long. Help them to reach out to the only one that can heal these wounds...help them to reach out to the NAILED SCARRED HANDS.....
Suggest reading for further information:
How to have eternal life
Love Worth Finding
What Is the Cause of Abuse?
Ghosts of our Past!
THE NEED FOR FORGIVENESS
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month