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Men
The hidden half of domestic violence
An Open Letter On Domestic Violence
The following letter is in response to this Post Dispatch article: http://www.postnet.com/eaf.nsf/ByID/86256739007E1131862569E90034CB0E -------------------------- Ms. Schremp, I was e-mailed your article by a friend whom I have helped leave an abusive relationship. The relationship was well documented by the local Sheriff's department, with felony spousal abuse charges filed on several occasions. There were stabbings, hitting in the face with an iron skillet, threats of death of spouse and children, etc....It is a horrific thing to watch as an observer. The system here finally saw the truth after nearly two years of abuse charges being dropped for "lack of evidence." Even a stab wound was not evidence enough to charge. Finally, an officer stopped by the residence after an emergency call had been placed, and witnessed first hand the abuse my friend was suffering. Based on the officer's statement's, my friends spouse was finally put into jail as a spousal abuser. Everything you wrote in your article about the abuse of women is dead on true. How a society can turn their collective heads on such well documented abuse escapes me. I find it abhorrent. Equally abhorrent, however, are journalists such as yourself, that show only one side of spousal abuse. My friend, by the way, is male. His wife, was the abuser. I watched on for years as the abuse level soared. I watched it intensify for two years, culminating in the episode that finally set him free. Why did he stay in such an abusive relationship? The answer is simple and is found repeatedly throughout your article. You see, Ms. Schremp, men face the same fears of leaving an abusive spouse the women face. On top of this fear is the perceived social stigma of being "beaten" by a woman, something that is hammered into the male consciousness from the first day of school; never admit a girl beat you up. Abuse is not one sided, Ms. Schremp. I have documented numerous cases of abuse against males in my local region. I was also a recipient of spousal abuse. I am also 6' 4" and weigh 240. Long hair, full beard and a muscular build. I have had deputies accuse me of abusing my ex-wife while i sat in front of them with open wounds on my face, inflicted by my ex-wife, while she stood there without a mark on her. I have been accused of spousal abuse five times, yet the D.A. refused to press charges because in each occurrence, it was I who was proved to have been abused. In fact, the last incident was three years after we separated. My ex and her current boyfriend followed me to my warehouse, broke into the warehouse and attacked me, then called the Sheriff to tell them that I had abused her during the attack. It took nearly three months of findings before the D.A. cleared me of any spousal abuse. And my ex? Nothing was done to her for breaking and entering, or stalking, despite the fact that I have a restraining order against her. Nothing, Ms. Schremp. Not even a slap on the wrist. By the way, my three children have all witnessed my ex-wife attacking me and have repeatedly told police that it is their mother who does the attacking, not their father. They have been dragged into this ugly affair over and again. Yet, despite years of the children telling authorities that it was my ex-wife who was the abuser, ultimately, it was me who was arrested. The friend who sent me your article also went through the same scenario. He left this region and moved to your fair city, hoping to find a better life. Undoubtedly, if your local authorities have the same mind-set as yourself, he has left the proverbial frying pan for the fire. It is depressing to see that after all the strides that have been made in human rights to date, this issue of gender abuse continues to rear it's ugly head over and again as a one-sided issue. There are volumes of reports issued from every governmental agency we have that is involved in crime, health, or mental health that document spousal abuse as a nearly 50-50 situation. In fact, in several studies it shows women to be abusers more often than men. And more violent as well. The purpose of this correspondence is not to berate you. Your writing is fluid and you have an obvious talent for telling a story through the mastery of words. The purpose here is to hopefully open your journalistic eye's to the whole story. There is a story out there, Ms. Schremp, that is far greater than the story that you have written. It is filled with decent people trying to live their lives as best they can amidst an unbelievable adversity. Articles such as yours, that clearly focus on half of the story do more damage than you can ever know. People read and they believe. What if the entire story were presented to them. What if a talented journalist could just inject a little mastery of fact finding into their weaving of words. There's a real trick to telling the story truthfully. It involves all sides, all participants. It is comprised of the truth, which is more often than not an ugly thing that we all wish would go away. The truth, however, is the backbone of journalism. Ugly or not, it should be included. I urge you to seek the truth for your next article on domestic violence. I believe your eye's would be opened. -- dave boles publisher BodhiDharma Publishing
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month